if its good to ya, it gots ta be good fo' ya

today i took my automobile to The Engine Room in LaVerne. 13$ oil change. But my breaks are shot. So I took the car back to discount tire on Arroyo Parkway and left it there overnight. I walked home in the rain, which was really good to me.. I went to old town, dipped into a few spots, but wasnt feeling it. I walked up to La Estrella, near my apartment. I got 2 tacos, ate them, and then just had a small quiet time there. it doesnt seem like a quiet-time like place, but it was pretty empty becasue of the rain, and it was warm.

right now, i just feel like a sigh.

over at the end
tread on never-ending concrete and wonder where it came from.
the end. not happy, not sad. neither, but just something you close your eyes to.

just something to close your eyes to

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i think what happens is that every so often, life gets a little more chaotic and changing-- and i become aware of the many different parts that make up me. I start to feel the disjointed-ness of my personality, the many people that I have made myself into, present myself as, and construct for protection, attention, work, escape.....
And when i see all these parts of me floating in and out, moving so quickly and trading places...they overwhelm me. they exhast and overwhelm the ture me at the core. They make me lose myself. I lose myself in my own life and the activity surrounding it.

This doesnt happen too often, but when it does its a trip

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Lately, my cut has been Bob Marley "Stir it Up" This one melts my ass. Its a song you just want to dance slowly with your wife to, in your apartment when its raining. Same with Sade, "Love is Stronger than Pride"

I am realizing that i might have to get my dad to send me some more pinon. It has quickly become a staple in our apartment among the youthseses when they're here. They eat them non stop. I really like that they do, becasue it is an aspect of New Mexico culture that they are validating ..haha. That would be dope if I became a pinon kingpin, monopolizing the flow of New Mexico 'pine nuts' into Southern Cali. I would be called Young Sniper Gotti, controlling the trade routes along I-40 and street corners from Santa Fe to Altadena.

The only thing is, they leave the shells on my floor.