change of course

Here is an interesting link that the homegirl Amy Walter sent me. Good lookin out

I have some thoughts about this blog. i realize that the last several months, i have mainly used it for posting ruched updates, random things of interest and pictures. Thats all good, but I have been inspired recently (mainly by two friends from the PA) to use this space as what i had originally intended it for-- a space for reflection, sharing and feedback on what God is doing (in me and in the world), my spiritual development, and particularly the ministry that i am involved in.

This will all depend on my own initiative of course. part of my motivation is that i desire more connectedness, more community. i realize that web logs and cyberspace is not true community, but we work with what we have at our disposal in our 'workaday' lives. I have also missed getting meaniful feedback from all you people who visit this blog, which i think i was getting more of back when i was posting more meaningful things from my heart. Rather than posting pictures of the kids, i want to write about them. You know what i mean?

I just returned from a week and a half in Albuquerque. The time was pretty laid back. Home is home, and it can be very comfortable or very frustrating. Now here I am in Pasadena, and i am realizing that i almost never make this transition back in a good healthy way. i feel very disconnected. i feel ( as i often do) that i ran away from God while i was at home, and i do not have the emotional energy or humility to come back to him now. this highlights a deeper theme: Whenever i fall into times of darkness, lonliness or sin patterns, i will isolate myself, wallow in shame and hide-- basically, it is hard form me to accept or believe in God's grace. I believe in it for other people, but not for me. It is hard for me to accept that God is patient with me sometimes, becasue my failures tend to be the same failures that i have always had.

But grace is beautiful. O how beautiful it is. That Our Creator would see us and not be angry, that he would see us without our stains, and would lift us up and keep walking with us, keep blessing us, and giving us good gifts.

I feel like i havent been 'me.' So it is hard to think of getting back into the flow of things with the youth-- to really step up into this new season. i prepared for it and prayed about it when i was home. I am excited about the mentoring relationships. but i think i really need to pray and think about grace.....if it were not for grace, i would not abel to do any of this.

O Brother

please observe my new list of links to your right. I am particularly excited about the addition of Lexie's Xanga, a chronicle of ministry life in Claremont.

also, i want to share my latest music interest. Last night i watched "O Brother Where Art Thou?" with my Dad. I love the Coen brothers' movies, and what particularly struck me was the soundtrack. 15 minutes into the film, i knew i had to have it.



For real, this is the gangster shit. I've been flirting with the idea of exploring 'bluegrass' or 'American roots music' Something about it has always intrigued me... this soundtrack is straight up S O U L. I cant even explain it. It is deeply, deeply spiritual, and also very honest about daily life, work, sin, redemption. Thats why i like the blues...it is similar to the blues, and influenced by it. I highly recommend this soundtrack, and i will for sure be getting down on more of this stuff.

Also new on the playlist:



Dj Z-Trip- "Changing Gears" Z-Trip is a DJ from Phoenix, who has appeared on many turntablist comps, mixtapes, live shows, bboy jams and collabos with other DJs. This is his first actual album. Pretty good, especially the track with Soup from Jurassic 5



AWOL One and Daddy Kev "Killafornia" AWOL is probably the most unusual hip hop MC you'll ever hear. Straight out of the Los Angeles underground scene, He is not a particularly skilled rhymer, but the combination of his voice and his thought process is stunning. You find yourself intently listening to what he is going to say next. A lot of it is hilarious. Best line on the EP so far: "I'm so underground, I should be a potato!"

posting from New Mexico

here i am, back home. This home is a place that is stranger to me each time I come back. yet, the familiarity is always nice.
I love the air here. To me, the air in Pasadena is thick and muggy. It is in a valley. I love Albuquerque becasue it is high in the desert. The air is clean, fresh and crisp, even when its hot outside. The first morning i was here, i took the best deep breath i've had in a long time.

The drive in was not too bad. 12 1/2 hours. I didnt get too tired.

The pace of life is much slower here. For some reason, it seems more like a small town than the last time i was here.

I will probably go see my grandparents tonight.

Hopefully i will also have some time to reflect. Right before i left, I accepted a job at South Pasadena High school, as a Special Needs Aid. I will be working exlusively with Sean, a 16 year old with cerebral palsey. He has almost no physical ability, so i will go with him to classes, take notes for him, transcribe his homework, take him to the bathroom....
This will be challenging work, but the prospect of developing a friendship that would probably otherwise not occur is exciting to me.
I have also been thinking a lot about adolescence and the youth. I think i have been very frustrated with the 14-15 year old age bracket. Since being home with my 15 year old brother, this has greatly increased. I guess i struggle with really understanding and having patience for where they are emotionally, developmentally, socially. I really want to love them, but often this is a challenge. Even though i am often confused and troubled by them and the things i see in their lives, I am anticipating really good relationships with J and F this year, as i hope to get to know their families and school lives. I pray that they (and I) would be open to God's words and will. Also for my brother. I was thinking last night that really, my absence for the crucial 10 to 14 years old age range had a bigger effect on him than i thought. I think that if i had been there to be a friend, a guide, a mentor to my brother, then he would be a different person, or at least a little more well adjusted and emotionally stable...maybe even mature.

This is hard to think about, but i think i need to face it. I need to understand what it means that i have re-located and chosen God's will in another place far from home....

i have a job interview with South Pasadena High School today
and another one for Odyssey Charter School in Pasadena tomorrow.
On Wednesday i will be driving to Albuquerque for a week.

oooooooo

Good News

Today was special.

With very little preparation, I spoke the Gospel message to all the children at the summer program today. We remembered some of the things we learned at VBS. I told them how much God loves us and how we can be close to Him. I told them what kind of life God offers.
After Charlie gave her testimony (she is much cooler than i am in their eyes) almost all of the kids in the room raised their hands saying they wanted to let Jesus into their hearts.
We (me and the interns) were joyous. Afterwards, we broke off the talk with the kids about thier decisions in small groups and pray with them. It was the first time i had been with anyone in their decision to follow Jesus. It was exciting for me on many levels.

Knowing that for some of these kids, this day would be the beginning of a life of faith, healing, community and blessing...that future leaders are being born this summer, that some of the kids were compelled to share some of the pain and struggles they deal with very intimately with us, in the hopes that trusting Jesus would give them strength.
I love these kids a lot, and it made my heart glad to get a glimpse not just of a cool event/decision, but of the advancement of the Kingdom among a people that God loves so so much.

Please pray that God's Spirit would rest powerfully on these kids' lives

Praise God