Streams of tears flow from my eyes because your law is not obeyed
Psalm 119:136
she gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her:
'You are the God who sees me'
for she said
'i have now seen the One who sees me.'
Genesis 16:13
Today I got a taste of why it is hard to live in the city. Dory, the teacher in whise class i work (The Accelerated Shcool), was walking from her car to the school, not even one block....and there were some youth hanging out in front of a house across from the school. A boy had a gun, and he was pointing it at cars as they drove by. When they saw it, a handful of girls screamed and ran away. Dory came onto campus shaken, afraid, and holding back tears.
As she told me, I wanted to comfort her with a hug, but i didnt....unsure of what to do. Maria, a girl in our class came up to me, oblivious to what we were talking about, and held my hand. I squeezed it tight and smiled at her.
Throughout the day, I had to deal with kids who were fighting (which happens often) and name calling and lying. When kids lie to me, even about small things, it really upsets and saddens me. They are just old enough to be able and willing to lie deliberately, and it just makes me sad that this brokenness would already be a part of them.
Then, as a few girls were having conflict on the playground and avoiding each other, I learned from Adriana, one of the girls who was avoiding her friends and one of my favorite in the class, that she is learning from her church (a cult??) not to associate with people who dont go to church, or wear makeup and earrings. The way she was reciting judgemental statements she must have heard made me feel more a sense of spiritual need and even darkness.
Yesterday at Walden School, talking to Ian, (a 13 year old whose parents bought him 900$ worth of DJ equipment) he was telling me about how in public schools, he believes that 98% of the populations are "gangsters" and "crime people" and how if you go to public schools, "no one cares about you" and in Los Angeles (the "ghetto") the houses are all burned, and people shoot each other for no reason.
Class and race divide this city into two different worlds, and they are so separated, so vastly alienated from each other that it blow my mind.
OLord, that you would make right and bring togther. That they would see the One who sees them.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Real Eyes Realize Real Lies
I wanted to say a little something about the recent conviction of Charles Graner for the prison abuse "scandal" at Abu Ghraib last spring. http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/16/graner.court.martial/index.html
It may seem to those of us that with this conviction, some justice has been done. Someone has paid the price, locked up for 10 years, held responsible for his actions. At first, thats what i felt.....Remembering back last spring when I saw the first images of the prison abuse. It was at that I became convinced of the raw terror and evil of this war, and the chaotic, irrational, inhumane nature of imperialism. It happened, politicians cried out, investigations were carried out, etc etc...
Now a few men have been tried before the "law"
Really, this is not enough. Really, this is far far far from enough. Graner is a fall man...a scapegoat...a perfectly convenient figure on which responsibility and liability can be pinned without indicting anone or anything higher than him. It was a messy situation, but some people must be pretty happy that it has recieved closure in such a convenient, low-key, quick and painless way. One man goes to prison, and no one continues to raise questions about what is really behind the kinds of things that went on in that prison (and in prisons and occupied lands all across history and the globe)
What I am saying is, we have been fooled into thinking there has been any kind of meaningful accountabilty for the crimes committed. Are we to believe that this was an isolated incident? Are we to believe that it is the pathology of only a few individuals that lead to atrocities in times of war?
Society at large gave moral sanction to the lynching of blacks in the south, the erradication of Indigenous peoples from their lands, the murder of women and children in the Phillippines, Vietnam, Hiroshima, and indirectly in El Salvador, Guatemala and Argentina.....
if by nothing else than apathy, turning a blind eye and failing to call into question the underlying assumtions about power, difference, violence, sexism, racism.
It is no different in Iraq. Many did expres moral outrage at the events of Abu Ghraib. Now, with the conviction of Graner, we are meant to believe that justice has been done and things have been made right
I say No
I say that as long as the United States military is an instrument of global capitalist expansion/domination, reactionary political suppression, and the exertion of masculinized, racialized American power over people and nations of different colors and different languages---abuses such a Abu Ghraib will be a normal part of American actions overseas
Are we to believe that the prison abuses took place in a vacuum? What is the sexual and racial pathology that gave birth to those soldier's ability/desire to do those things?
Look at prisons here in the United States. Rape is a prominent means of exerting power and control both among prisoners and guards. A high percentage of female prisoners report having been sexually abused by male prison guards. Look at the streets of the inner cities. Police brutality is another way the STATE maintains control and sends the same message as the prison guards, the military, the POWERS THAT BE: "If you are black/red/brown/yellow you are SHIT and we will end you if you dont shut your mouth and go along with our game"
It is all about power. But power is sexual. Power is racial. Power is economic. Power is not just some abstract word, it is action-- carried out by individual people in specific places in specific cultural and historical contexts. Power is a billboard ad for Hennesy, showing a half-naked slender woman folded up inside a wine glass- "Female sexuality is an item to be consumed, only useful for the fulfillment of pleasure euphoric feelings. And only White, slender female sexuality is the standard"
Power is the 210 freeway bieng built between the high-end shopping disctrict of Old Town Pasadena and the working class immigrant neighborhood to the north "We dont really want those people to be around to tarnish the image of our middle-class consumerist utopia. Too ethnic, too poor, too criminal"
it goes on and on
when i first heard about the abuses at Abu Gharib, I was horrified, but not surprised. In a sense, I was wondering when something like that would come out, not if. This is war. WAR, plain and simple. Not an 'operation' not an 'experiment in democracy' not 'homeland security' not an 'involvement' It is a war. It is the exertion of power by the use of violence. The ability of the military powers to justify the bombing of civilian areas and 'shoot anything that moves' is the same thing to me as the soldiers' ability to force Iraqi prisoners to perform sexual acts in front of a camera. How can we be surprised by Abu Ghraib's DEHUMANIZATION when everything else that is going on in Iraq, indeed in every war, is dehumanization? The Iraqi people are not HUMAN to us. They are less than uman. This is what allows people to kill without thinking. To justify genocide and atrocity. If we really saw them as equal, worthy partners-- men and women just like you and me-- capable of making their own decisions and worthy of our attention, humility and generosity-- would we be fighting this war right now, or would we be doing something else-something better?
To me, the conviction of a few soldiers does not mean justice. They are scapegoats, effigies that can be held up by people more powerful while we shoot at them, all the while the hands that hold them up remain unscathed. Lets not fall for it. Of course those men are guilty, and probably deserve judgement. But let us not ignore the larger guilt, the wider responsibilty of our generation.....maybe even a guilt that we would be implicated in
It may seem to those of us that with this conviction, some justice has been done. Someone has paid the price, locked up for 10 years, held responsible for his actions. At first, thats what i felt.....Remembering back last spring when I saw the first images of the prison abuse. It was at that I became convinced of the raw terror and evil of this war, and the chaotic, irrational, inhumane nature of imperialism. It happened, politicians cried out, investigations were carried out, etc etc...
Now a few men have been tried before the "law"
Really, this is not enough. Really, this is far far far from enough. Graner is a fall man...a scapegoat...a perfectly convenient figure on which responsibility and liability can be pinned without indicting anone or anything higher than him. It was a messy situation, but some people must be pretty happy that it has recieved closure in such a convenient, low-key, quick and painless way. One man goes to prison, and no one continues to raise questions about what is really behind the kinds of things that went on in that prison (and in prisons and occupied lands all across history and the globe)
What I am saying is, we have been fooled into thinking there has been any kind of meaningful accountabilty for the crimes committed. Are we to believe that this was an isolated incident? Are we to believe that it is the pathology of only a few individuals that lead to atrocities in times of war?
Society at large gave moral sanction to the lynching of blacks in the south, the erradication of Indigenous peoples from their lands, the murder of women and children in the Phillippines, Vietnam, Hiroshima, and indirectly in El Salvador, Guatemala and Argentina.....
if by nothing else than apathy, turning a blind eye and failing to call into question the underlying assumtions about power, difference, violence, sexism, racism.
It is no different in Iraq. Many did expres moral outrage at the events of Abu Ghraib. Now, with the conviction of Graner, we are meant to believe that justice has been done and things have been made right
I say No
I say that as long as the United States military is an instrument of global capitalist expansion/domination, reactionary political suppression, and the exertion of masculinized, racialized American power over people and nations of different colors and different languages---abuses such a Abu Ghraib will be a normal part of American actions overseas
Are we to believe that the prison abuses took place in a vacuum? What is the sexual and racial pathology that gave birth to those soldier's ability/desire to do those things?
Look at prisons here in the United States. Rape is a prominent means of exerting power and control both among prisoners and guards. A high percentage of female prisoners report having been sexually abused by male prison guards. Look at the streets of the inner cities. Police brutality is another way the STATE maintains control and sends the same message as the prison guards, the military, the POWERS THAT BE: "If you are black/red/brown/yellow you are SHIT and we will end you if you dont shut your mouth and go along with our game"
It is all about power. But power is sexual. Power is racial. Power is economic. Power is not just some abstract word, it is action-- carried out by individual people in specific places in specific cultural and historical contexts. Power is a billboard ad for Hennesy, showing a half-naked slender woman folded up inside a wine glass- "Female sexuality is an item to be consumed, only useful for the fulfillment of pleasure euphoric feelings. And only White, slender female sexuality is the standard"
Power is the 210 freeway bieng built between the high-end shopping disctrict of Old Town Pasadena and the working class immigrant neighborhood to the north "We dont really want those people to be around to tarnish the image of our middle-class consumerist utopia. Too ethnic, too poor, too criminal"
it goes on and on
when i first heard about the abuses at Abu Gharib, I was horrified, but not surprised. In a sense, I was wondering when something like that would come out, not if. This is war. WAR, plain and simple. Not an 'operation' not an 'experiment in democracy' not 'homeland security' not an 'involvement' It is a war. It is the exertion of power by the use of violence. The ability of the military powers to justify the bombing of civilian areas and 'shoot anything that moves' is the same thing to me as the soldiers' ability to force Iraqi prisoners to perform sexual acts in front of a camera. How can we be surprised by Abu Ghraib's DEHUMANIZATION when everything else that is going on in Iraq, indeed in every war, is dehumanization? The Iraqi people are not HUMAN to us. They are less than uman. This is what allows people to kill without thinking. To justify genocide and atrocity. If we really saw them as equal, worthy partners-- men and women just like you and me-- capable of making their own decisions and worthy of our attention, humility and generosity-- would we be fighting this war right now, or would we be doing something else-something better?
To me, the conviction of a few soldiers does not mean justice. They are scapegoats, effigies that can be held up by people more powerful while we shoot at them, all the while the hands that hold them up remain unscathed. Lets not fall for it. Of course those men are guilty, and probably deserve judgement. But let us not ignore the larger guilt, the wider responsibilty of our generation.....maybe even a guilt that we would be implicated in
Friday, January 14, 2005
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day
today at the Accelerated School, we commemorated Dr. King all morning in a special way. Each of the elementary school classrooms had set up and planned activities for other classes to participate in. Eash class rotated to 3 different classrooms during 'periods' so that they could do the activities and see what other classes had done. They take the day very seriously at TAS. Not only is the school itslef is on MLK Blvd., but the people who teach and work there are either former activists from the civil rights era or currently involved in social justice activism and advocacy. A sizabel portion of the faculty and administration is African American. Not to mention about 40 percent of the student population.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of taking my class to three of the other elementary school teacher's rooms. It was a very fun and interesting day....and it made me so glad that Dr King and his legacy were being taught and engaged with in a meaningful way, even with kindergardners. It was not tokenism at all. The teachers took it very seriously, yet they presented their material in ways that made Dr. king's message very applicable to their lives. I was so proud when the boys in my class repeatedly rasied their hands to say things like "Dr. King talked to different kinds of people to make the world a better place" and "He said 'Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we're free at last'"
They all really have loved reading about and writing about Dr. King, and understanding what he was about. It is relevant to them, and they know it.
In one class, we played a game where we walked in Dr King's 'footsteps' (outlines of footprints taped to the floor) and each time the kids stepped on a certain color paper, they would either have to answer a question about Dr. King, say somethign nice to someone in the class, repeat a section of the I Have a Dream speech. In another class we read a book called "The Peace Book" which is really popular at TAS, and deals with themes of social responsibilty and justice, but in a way that young kids can understand. Then each of the kids thought of what peace means to them, and made a page of their own 'Peace Book' Maria in my class wrote "Peace is when I love my family" and drew a beautiful picture of her family. Adriana wrote "Peace is listening to Dr Martin Luther King Jr., teachers and your mom and dad" In another class, a teacher read the book "Martin Luther King's Big Words" a really cool book abotu his life and message.....in such an engaging way, I love these teachers and how they are able to spark childrens' love and interest in things that they themselves are passionate about.
While I sat behind the kids listening to all the stuff, I found that the questions that the teachers were asking were striking me, too. One asked our class "What can you do to make the world a better place?" As the kids raised their hands and said things like dont fight on the playground, help people when they fall down, help your mom wash the dishes...i thought that this is one of the main questions in my life right now, in the internships i am a part of.
What can I do to make the world a better place?
But what is not often taught about MLKJ in the school is that he was a man of God,a prophet who was hated by many people in his own land, one whose message they ultimately could not accept (and still dont)
Maybe the question should be What did God do through Martin Luther King to make the world a better place? To bring the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.....
In the memory of Dr King, his beautiful life and prophetic message, God's work and walk continues in South Central LA
Anyway, I had the pleasure of taking my class to three of the other elementary school teacher's rooms. It was a very fun and interesting day....and it made me so glad that Dr King and his legacy were being taught and engaged with in a meaningful way, even with kindergardners. It was not tokenism at all. The teachers took it very seriously, yet they presented their material in ways that made Dr. king's message very applicable to their lives. I was so proud when the boys in my class repeatedly rasied their hands to say things like "Dr. King talked to different kinds of people to make the world a better place" and "He said 'Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we're free at last'"
They all really have loved reading about and writing about Dr. King, and understanding what he was about. It is relevant to them, and they know it.
In one class, we played a game where we walked in Dr King's 'footsteps' (outlines of footprints taped to the floor) and each time the kids stepped on a certain color paper, they would either have to answer a question about Dr. King, say somethign nice to someone in the class, repeat a section of the I Have a Dream speech. In another class we read a book called "The Peace Book" which is really popular at TAS, and deals with themes of social responsibilty and justice, but in a way that young kids can understand. Then each of the kids thought of what peace means to them, and made a page of their own 'Peace Book' Maria in my class wrote "Peace is when I love my family" and drew a beautiful picture of her family. Adriana wrote "Peace is listening to Dr Martin Luther King Jr., teachers and your mom and dad" In another class, a teacher read the book "Martin Luther King's Big Words" a really cool book abotu his life and message.....in such an engaging way, I love these teachers and how they are able to spark childrens' love and interest in things that they themselves are passionate about.
While I sat behind the kids listening to all the stuff, I found that the questions that the teachers were asking were striking me, too. One asked our class "What can you do to make the world a better place?" As the kids raised their hands and said things like dont fight on the playground, help people when they fall down, help your mom wash the dishes...i thought that this is one of the main questions in my life right now, in the internships i am a part of.
What can I do to make the world a better place?
But what is not often taught about MLKJ in the school is that he was a man of God,a prophet who was hated by many people in his own land, one whose message they ultimately could not accept (and still dont)
Maybe the question should be What did God do through Martin Luther King to make the world a better place? To bring the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.....
In the memory of Dr King, his beautiful life and prophetic message, God's work and walk continues in South Central LA
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
sabor
last night i kicked it with jonder, my homie from Pomona....at his house in East Pasadena. Had some authentic Taiwanese food and talked with his parents for a while about some cool stuff.
this week has been better so far. it was nice to have the sun out. at work i had some opportunity to practice my conflict resolution skills on the playground, as two pairs of girls in my class started to have beef and accuse each other of "saying stuff about us" and "one time when i was in line, Adriana said 'Be quiet Arlene!'" Its funny how there can be such drama in the 2nd grade. We managed to work out the misunderstanding, but i wasnt totally satisfied becasue there was still tension and bitterness by the time recess was over. i had to hand it over for the teacher to deal with after I went home.
Today i got a card from the Chavez family in Manila for my birthday. I also got the DVD 'Scratch' from Amazon. It is the dopest and most complete documentary on hip hop DJ culture and its history.
word up.
sadly, my brother emailed me today to say that they are not allowing him to have computers, books, or music in his post, as it is not 'essential.' So he is not able to stay in contact as much as he was. I think that is bullshit.
I was listening to Radio Pacifica this morning to an interview with Howard Zinn, one of my favorite all time scholars, historians and one who has a big impact on me. He reminded me that the war in Iraq is illegitimate, illegal and 'inexcusably immoral' True muh-f--ing that. Somehow, that gives me comfort in a wierd way. To know that according to international law, this war is illegal, to know that it is illegitimate in the eyes of most of the world, and has been seen to be totally brutalistic and immoral (collateral damage, Abu Ghraib, etc) ---somehow it is comforting to know that those responsible will be held accountable....History will record this as one of the most shameful, audacious events in our nations history-- but more importantly, it will not be overlooked by the eyes of God.
this week has been better so far. it was nice to have the sun out. at work i had some opportunity to practice my conflict resolution skills on the playground, as two pairs of girls in my class started to have beef and accuse each other of "saying stuff about us" and "one time when i was in line, Adriana said 'Be quiet Arlene!'" Its funny how there can be such drama in the 2nd grade. We managed to work out the misunderstanding, but i wasnt totally satisfied becasue there was still tension and bitterness by the time recess was over. i had to hand it over for the teacher to deal with after I went home.
Today i got a card from the Chavez family in Manila for my birthday. I also got the DVD 'Scratch' from Amazon. It is the dopest and most complete documentary on hip hop DJ culture and its history.
word up.
sadly, my brother emailed me today to say that they are not allowing him to have computers, books, or music in his post, as it is not 'essential.' So he is not able to stay in contact as much as he was. I think that is bullshit.
I was listening to Radio Pacifica this morning to an interview with Howard Zinn, one of my favorite all time scholars, historians and one who has a big impact on me. He reminded me that the war in Iraq is illegitimate, illegal and 'inexcusably immoral' True muh-f--ing that. Somehow, that gives me comfort in a wierd way. To know that according to international law, this war is illegal, to know that it is illegitimate in the eyes of most of the world, and has been seen to be totally brutalistic and immoral (collateral damage, Abu Ghraib, etc) ---somehow it is comforting to know that those responsible will be held accountable....History will record this as one of the most shameful, audacious events in our nations history-- but more importantly, it will not be overlooked by the eyes of God.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
if its good to ya, it gots ta be good fo' ya
today i took my automobile to The Engine Room in LaVerne. 13$ oil change. But my breaks are shot. So I took the car back to discount tire on Arroyo Parkway and left it there overnight. I walked home in the rain, which was really good to me.. I went to old town, dipped into a few spots, but wasnt feeling it. I walked up to La Estrella, near my apartment. I got 2 tacos, ate them, and then just had a small quiet time there. it doesnt seem like a quiet-time like place, but it was pretty empty becasue of the rain, and it was warm.
right now, i just feel like a sigh.
over at the end
tread on never-ending concrete and wonder where it came from.
the end. not happy, not sad. neither, but just something you close your eyes to.
just something to close your eyes to
------------------
i think what happens is that every so often, life gets a little more chaotic and changing-- and i become aware of the many different parts that make up me. I start to feel the disjointed-ness of my personality, the many people that I have made myself into, present myself as, and construct for protection, attention, work, escape.....
And when i see all these parts of me floating in and out, moving so quickly and trading places...they overwhelm me. they exhast and overwhelm the ture me at the core. They make me lose myself. I lose myself in my own life and the activity surrounding it.
This doesnt happen too often, but when it does its a trip
=========
Lately, my cut has been Bob Marley "Stir it Up" This one melts my ass. Its a song you just want to dance slowly with your wife to, in your apartment when its raining. Same with Sade, "Love is Stronger than Pride"
I am realizing that i might have to get my dad to send me some more pinon. It has quickly become a staple in our apartment among the youthseses when they're here. They eat them non stop. I really like that they do, becasue it is an aspect of New Mexico culture that they are validating ..haha. That would be dope if I became a pinon kingpin, monopolizing the flow of New Mexico 'pine nuts' into Southern Cali. I would be called Young Sniper Gotti, controlling the trade routes along I-40 and street corners from Santa Fe to Altadena.
The only thing is, they leave the shells on my floor.
right now, i just feel like a sigh.
over at the end
tread on never-ending concrete and wonder where it came from.
the end. not happy, not sad. neither, but just something you close your eyes to.
just something to close your eyes to
------------------
i think what happens is that every so often, life gets a little more chaotic and changing-- and i become aware of the many different parts that make up me. I start to feel the disjointed-ness of my personality, the many people that I have made myself into, present myself as, and construct for protection, attention, work, escape.....
And when i see all these parts of me floating in and out, moving so quickly and trading places...they overwhelm me. they exhast and overwhelm the ture me at the core. They make me lose myself. I lose myself in my own life and the activity surrounding it.
This doesnt happen too often, but when it does its a trip
=========
Lately, my cut has been Bob Marley "Stir it Up" This one melts my ass. Its a song you just want to dance slowly with your wife to, in your apartment when its raining. Same with Sade, "Love is Stronger than Pride"
I am realizing that i might have to get my dad to send me some more pinon. It has quickly become a staple in our apartment among the youthseses when they're here. They eat them non stop. I really like that they do, becasue it is an aspect of New Mexico culture that they are validating ..haha. That would be dope if I became a pinon kingpin, monopolizing the flow of New Mexico 'pine nuts' into Southern Cali. I would be called Young Sniper Gotti, controlling the trade routes along I-40 and street corners from Santa Fe to Altadena.
The only thing is, they leave the shells on my floor.
Friday, January 07, 2005
You Might be from New Mexico if....
YOU MIGHT BE FROM NEW MEXICO IF ............
1. You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos and Pojoaque.
2. You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping.
3. You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud. >
4. You can order your Big Mac with green chile. >
5. You buy salsa by the half-gallon. >
6. You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car >five years ago. >
7. Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper >bags". >
8. Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los". >
9. The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car. >
10. You price shop for tortillas. >
11. You have an extra freezer just for green Chile. >
12. You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness. >
13. You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn. >
14. You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally. (Our >governor does!) >
15. You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane. >
16. There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home. >
17. Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil. >
18. You have been on TV more than three times telling about your alien >abduction. >
19. You can actually hear the Taos hum. >
20. All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October. >
21. You think Las Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the >state. >
22. You iron your jeans to "dress up". >
23. You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
24. Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck. >
25. Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature the >other in the state penitentiary. >
26. You know whether you want "red or green." >
27. You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer potholes. >
28. You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in >line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence >alternates between Spanish and English.
1. You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos and Pojoaque.
2. You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping.
3. You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud. >
4. You can order your Big Mac with green chile. >
5. You buy salsa by the half-gallon. >
6. You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car >five years ago. >
7. Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper >bags". >
8. Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los". >
9. The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car. >
10. You price shop for tortillas. >
11. You have an extra freezer just for green Chile. >
12. You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness. >
13. You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn. >
14. You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally. (Our >governor does!) >
15. You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane. >
16. There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home. >
17. Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil. >
18. You have been on TV more than three times telling about your alien >abduction. >
19. You can actually hear the Taos hum. >
20. All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October. >
21. You think Las Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the >state. >
22. You iron your jeans to "dress up". >
23. You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
24. Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck. >
25. Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature the >other in the state penitentiary. >
26. You know whether you want "red or green." >
27. You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer potholes. >
28. You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in >line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence >alternates between Spanish and English.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
this week has kicked my ass. i have felt so overwhelmed. i was supposed to have been seeing a handful of friends from college, but i have no energy or desire to do it. the thing with me is, when i feel overwhelmed, i tend to withdraw from people, but then i only feel lonely.
i cant wait for this weekend.
at least work has been pretty good these days.
i just need to get re-oriented. i think part of it is the jolt of coming straight back into a heavy routine after doing nothing and sleeping 12 hours a day for 2 weeks.
today i had a job interview in south LA by usc. it was for a full time position with Children Youth and Family Collaborative. This organization is amazing.....and it is a christian organization run by amazing people-- committed to mentoring and empowering youth in foster care in high schols and middle schools in the area- as well as working with secular and other religious organizations. I am not sure if i got the job, but this non-profit is definietly one to stay in touch with. it seems to be exactly what i am looking for in terms of an entry point into the non-profit career world.
i cant wait for this weekend.
at least work has been pretty good these days.
i just need to get re-oriented. i think part of it is the jolt of coming straight back into a heavy routine after doing nothing and sleeping 12 hours a day for 2 weeks.
today i had a job interview in south LA by usc. it was for a full time position with Children Youth and Family Collaborative. This organization is amazing.....and it is a christian organization run by amazing people-- committed to mentoring and empowering youth in foster care in high schols and middle schools in the area- as well as working with secular and other religious organizations. I am not sure if i got the job, but this non-profit is definietly one to stay in touch with. it seems to be exactly what i am looking for in terms of an entry point into the non-profit career world.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
back up in ya
hey
adjusting to being back in pasadena and my regular routine has been a little harder than i thought it would be. I was not doing too well spiritually back in NM, and transitioning right back into work has been shaking.
Big love to all those who spurprized me on my birthday. I am really grateful for all of you, and I your prayers and presence are more important to me than you know.
I hope to see many friends from college this week.
I am also sending a care package to my brother, so i am collecting assorted goodies like cigarrettes, graffiti magazines, CDs, snacks.
I have an interview tomorrow for a job with the Children Youth and Family Cooperative, a non-profit in LA.
more later
adjusting to being back in pasadena and my regular routine has been a little harder than i thought it would be. I was not doing too well spiritually back in NM, and transitioning right back into work has been shaking.
Big love to all those who spurprized me on my birthday. I am really grateful for all of you, and I your prayers and presence are more important to me than you know.
I hope to see many friends from college this week.
I am also sending a care package to my brother, so i am collecting assorted goodies like cigarrettes, graffiti magazines, CDs, snacks.
I have an interview tomorrow for a job with the Children Youth and Family Cooperative, a non-profit in LA.
more later
Monday, January 03, 2005
Saturday, January 01, 2005
enter my 36 chambers
much has happened. Peep the script while i break it down like an enzyme:
-A huge redemption occurred on Wednesday, when I went to lunch with Celestyna. She was one of my closest friends during high school and after, and the last girlfriend I had. Summer of 2002 we parted ways for various reasons, and I never thought I'd see her again. She called me this last summer, and we began talking again. To see her last week was a huge healing and blessing. God has been good.
-I dipped back into the Lab, DJ Scooter's lair, where the walls are filled with records, and the 2 turntables take center stage. We spent all Tuesday night producing some dope beats using the tables, the PSC sampler and some effects software. It was just like old times.
-I have been reading Jumhra Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies" the first fiction I have read in a long time. It has inspired me to write more.
-I spent New Years Eve at the wedding of my mom's sister's husband's sister. It was a short, nice wedding in the La Posada hotel in downtown Albq. The dinnner and reception were nice, cuz i was able to see my aunt, uncle and cousins. I am always amazed to see how my cousins have grown since I've last seen them. My cousin Erin will be taking the exam to get into the same private middle/high school that I went to.
-I saw "The Aviator" "Flight of the Phoenix" "Meet the Fokkers" and "The Incredibles" The Fokkers was funny as hell, but The Incredibles was my favorite movie. I still want to see The Motorcycle Diaries and A Very Long Engagement.
-I had a nice dinner with the Gallegos family, a family who I have been friends with since high school, though MEChA and other student groups. They have been a very important source of support and linkage to my New Mexican culture and my interest in education over the last 5-6 years.
-i have spent most of my time with my brother Joe, who is definitely a 14 year old adolescent at this point. It has been a fun and challenging ride. One of my goals this semester is to stay up on how his life is going.
-Watched the Emerald Bowl, in which New Mexico lost to Navy. It was cool to have almost all my mom's side of the family at my uncle Larry's house cheering on the Lobos on ESPN. My grandpa shows up with a UNM cap and a Navy sweatshirt. Die hard Lobo fan, but he was in the Navy in WWII. Like a gangster, he dont give a uff.
-A huge redemption occurred on Wednesday, when I went to lunch with Celestyna. She was one of my closest friends during high school and after, and the last girlfriend I had. Summer of 2002 we parted ways for various reasons, and I never thought I'd see her again. She called me this last summer, and we began talking again. To see her last week was a huge healing and blessing. God has been good.
-I dipped back into the Lab, DJ Scooter's lair, where the walls are filled with records, and the 2 turntables take center stage. We spent all Tuesday night producing some dope beats using the tables, the PSC sampler and some effects software. It was just like old times.
-I have been reading Jumhra Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies" the first fiction I have read in a long time. It has inspired me to write more.
-I spent New Years Eve at the wedding of my mom's sister's husband's sister. It was a short, nice wedding in the La Posada hotel in downtown Albq. The dinnner and reception were nice, cuz i was able to see my aunt, uncle and cousins. I am always amazed to see how my cousins have grown since I've last seen them. My cousin Erin will be taking the exam to get into the same private middle/high school that I went to.
-I saw "The Aviator" "Flight of the Phoenix" "Meet the Fokkers" and "The Incredibles" The Fokkers was funny as hell, but The Incredibles was my favorite movie. I still want to see The Motorcycle Diaries and A Very Long Engagement.
-I had a nice dinner with the Gallegos family, a family who I have been friends with since high school, though MEChA and other student groups. They have been a very important source of support and linkage to my New Mexican culture and my interest in education over the last 5-6 years.
-i have spent most of my time with my brother Joe, who is definitely a 14 year old adolescent at this point. It has been a fun and challenging ride. One of my goals this semester is to stay up on how his life is going.
-Watched the Emerald Bowl, in which New Mexico lost to Navy. It was cool to have almost all my mom's side of the family at my uncle Larry's house cheering on the Lobos on ESPN. My grandpa shows up with a UNM cap and a Navy sweatshirt. Die hard Lobo fan, but he was in the Navy in WWII. Like a gangster, he dont give a uff.
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