love in, love out

life for me this last month has been defined by a very strong (and i think in some ways healthy) tension that i have felt every day.

In college, my leaders always had to challenge me to get up, get out and be involved with the people i was ministering to. i was very stingy with my time. These days, it is the other way around. I have been feeling a deep nagging need to get back into solitude, to take some rest and to reflect on the things that have been going on. But what i've been doing is saying 'yes' to almost everything, leaving me with almost no time to myself....On the other hand, i am really happy with the relationships that have come from my time in the neighborhood, and excited about building them up even more during the next year.

recently, i have been recieving teaching about the importance of informal relationships, and shared needs among neighbors....i love these things, and have discovered God blessing me and those around me through them. This is why i wanted to do urban ministry, so that i could see community being built and be a part of that.

But there needs to be time to pray
there needs to be time to rest
to connect with loved ones and friends in other places
to celebrate

but this leads me to another thing ive been thinking about. Jason reminded us that real community in the kingdom of God is when people can rest, celebrate and fellowship across class and cultural lines and neighbors...And I have been feeling this. Times with Reza and kids from R2R have been fun and relaxing when we take them out for ice cream and Borders. Celebrating Juan's cousin's brithday at his house, and Juan's birthday last night at another neighbor's house were both joyful times for me, that did not sap my energy that much at all.
Coming from intervarsity and the college ministry context, this is new for me. And i love it. I love that 'ministry' for me is finally flowing out of my being, and not from a burdensome structure or expectation.....

yet i am still self-centered
i still am taking more than i am giving
i still have a lot to learn and a lot to see
a lot that i want to do and see

all this to say, I am really happy with where my life is going right now in terms of neighborhood and community, but without staying connected to God in prayer and personal devotion, i feel like my life is being poured out before my eyes without being refilled. It needs to be coming from an overflow of God's love for me as his son...