my talk at Occidental went really well last night. i love preaching, i've discovered. i was on a real high after it was over. it is so encouraging to have seen God work in my words in that way.

thank you for all those that prayed for me.

just a little notice--- i am about to be out of internet access in the home for at least one month. so the frequency of my posts here will not be as much, but i will still be checking my email at work.

some cool tshirts

“Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?”
-Numbers 23:19

They sailed to the region of the Gerasenes, which is across the lake from Galilee. When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time, this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs.

Jesus came to this town. He intentionally came there. He knew about this town, and that this man was living there. There was a reason for his arrival. He got in a boat and sailed across the lake to this town, knowing what he would encounter there, knowing the work his Father wanted to do there. This is who Jesus was. He went intentionally to the places where there was shame, pain, evil, destruction, powerlessness.

A demon possessed this man. He was powerless. He was not in his right mind. He was controlled by a force that only sought to destroy him. He had no power to get rid of it, or act for his own healing. This had gone on for a long time. Many years, probably. This is how he lived. At the mercy of evil and confusing forces beyond his control. This was his life. For how many of us does this describe our lives?

No clothes. That is, no dignity, and with his shame exposed. No cover to keep him from the elements or to designate his as part of the human family. A constant reminder of the humiliation and degradation that evil causes. In his enslavement, he was repulsive to the people around him. We are reminded of the tender act of mercy God showed to Adam and Eve, taking life for the first time in order to clothe these first fallen people.

He had not lived in a house. He had no home. This demon had separated him from a home. What does this mean? How significant is this? What is it like to not have a home? A bed to lay down on. A space to rest in. A familiar, comfortable place. A place to meet the people you love. A place for you to own. He did not have this. That is what the demon did. The demon took him away from home. Away from the center of life, from the place where he could have found rest and recognition.

He had lived in the tombs. O how we do the same, when we slink into our sin, surrendering our strength, our will to the temptations that so thickly surround us! It is death—not just homelessness, but living (if you could call it that) among death, decay, putrid, unclean soul-less flesh. How hopeless, how dark this must have been for him. Day after day, retreating in torment to the tombs, isolated from all good things, all the promises of God. This is me, when I am tempted to impress others, tempted to have confidence in my doing the right thing, tempted to be critical, to lust, to isolate myself, to define myself by or escape in material things, to be cynical, bitter or complacent about injustice, to rely on and seek affection and attention from the people around me as a substitute for God….
How could he see a way out for himself? Who would save him from this bondage?

one of the most encouraging and positive things that has happened to me this week was tuesday. Leaving work, i take Fair Oaks, which brings me by the students from Blair waiting for the bus. I saw Charlie and Gaby so i picked them up. As we drove home, i told them about the situation with the buy i work with at SP High. I was so blessed by their immediate concern and excitement about the idea of praying for his healing. They even wanted to meet him and pray for him themselves! These girls have a strong understanding of the Holy Spirit, and more faith in it than I do. It was so encouraging to ask them questions about faith and the Spirit, and revieve wise counsel about loving and praying for Sean.

Thanks girls

pray

this job has gotten real live real fast

today Sean told me "If God could raise Lazarus from the dead and heal people, why can't he heal me....I hate him even more if he can do it, becasue that means that he just doesnt want to."

i really want to believe that God will heal him. I would love to be put out of a job. i am scared, though. His family are beleivers, and i am sure that they have prayed for years for him. i am sure that many people have. What would it take, God? What will it take for you to heal him?

Right before he told me this stuff, we had been talking about God and Christianity in America. He agrees with me that the God of the bible-- the God who is powerful and heals people--is not the God of the American church. But he will not have faith in God, becasue he is afraid of trusting him only to be disappointed when God does not come through for him.

I wish i could have taken all afternoon to finish this conversation. What can i do? It is interesting that these conversations take place in the nurse's office, the only time when we are alone, and i am changing his daiper. It is interesting becasue it is a time where he is the most vunerable, the most exposed and dependent. It would be a very awkward time if we did not have the relationship that we do.
Would that he see something of God's love for him in the tenderness and humility of those that care for him. Would that we be humble and tender.

yes

Check out this post on Lexie's xanga- having to do with art and music as a way of mourning particularly in New Orleans. I really appreciated it.

Praise God for a first bible study last night. It was fun, and the kids learned some truth about God. We keep praying.

Also, first day of school in Pasadena!

tonight Reza and I went inviting kids to our first bible club that is taking place tomorrow night. We are both really excited about this. it has been my vision to see a few of these families in particular be brought in to the ministry. I have had such a hope and vision for these kids. For some of them, the environment they live in is very harsh and negative, and it might hinder them from even being involved with us in the future. We need to especially pray for them. My heart has been burdened for these kids in particular, and i really hope they will be allowed to come.

After we went inviting, i had a good time cooking pancit, a Filipino dish with Reza and Adriana and Rosa, two girls from Betsy's bible study. They are so much fun! The food was really good, too.

Tell-A-Lie welcome in every home
vacuum vision infiltrates the dome
dismantle the Panasonic Prophet
with pixelated power turned on to make a profit
Radiating box power supply
ubiquitous babysitter strangles every eye
the children planted receptive complacent antenna
sheltered from reality, technology's mental umbrella
the unconquered frontier brings static to your vision
choose your channel and slurp up national superstition
but dont forget to play your position
blind consumption of media = unqualified submission

beads

a boy is sitting on his chair in the dark
in his hand, a rosary
dark, smooth wooden beads
he rubs one gently with finger and thumb
watching it spin around a tiny silver chain.
silver Christ, glued to a polished wooden cross
his minute face solemn, peaceful
but olny lines etched skillfully into metal

he leans his neck back against the top of the chair
he can see nothing, glaring up at the ceiling.
clutching the cross loosely in his hand
in and out of sleep
wishing for some thing
hearing some kind of word, but maybe it is no word
music that is not there

alone
he joins the small silver Jesus in quiet sleep
away, but into the heart of himself
crying bead-drops nobody can hear

This picture is of a legal wall behind Workmen's hip hop clothing and graffitti supply store on Melrose in Hollywood. That's for you, bro.

This picture is from the childrens' ministry craft night a couple weeks back. Juvenal, Adriana, me, Alejandra, Reza, Claudia and Norel. All of them were in the summer program except Claudia.

I've been getting off work at 3. i like having a short work day. It will probably be like this until October, when i start tutoring after school. Interestingly, the job of tutor at SPHS pays significantly more than my current job of Special Needs Aid.

I've been thinking a lot lately, more soberly about my life.
it seems like things constantly hang in a delicate balance between chaos and evil on one side, and peace and salvation on the other. More and more, it is clear how lost all people are. How utterly given over to destruction-- self-destruction and destruction of others. More and more it is clear to me that this is the world i live in, and for as long as i am alive, a part of me will be drawn to it. Seduced by lies. Seduced by the desire to have all for myself and ignore other human beings. It sounds extreme, but this is fundamentally what is behind our fallen condition.

i've been thinking about the hurricane in New orleans. That city was the homicide capital of the nation this last year. the disaster came right at the hub of the country's oil production centers, at a time when we are engaged in an unjust war with oil at the center of it. What is God doing? we cannot presume to know. Like Greg said, we must repent! we must not retain any illusion of our own goodness, righteousness, salvation. will we heed the cleansing destruction of these events and clean out our lives from everything that is reprehensible, filthy, built up, glittery, superficial, 'reliable'? Lament that so many have lost so much. how much more will we lose if we do not heed the words of the prophets.

First Day

today was my first day at work. South Pas High. I must say it was pretty good. It was good to meet Sean, and it was kind of fun navigating the awkward world of high school again.
Praise God that things are going smoothly. Hopefully i will remain teachable, humble and attentive and not fall into a routine. Pray for eyes to see and ears to hear.