For the Homies

2011-07-01T11:39:00.000-07:00

Amen and amen.

Conor Friedersdorf in the Atlantic:

But I insist that a prospective president's insights on China, Russia and Mexico, to cite three examples, are incomparably more vital than their thoughts on Morocco, Tunisia, and even Libya. Isn't it odd that countries with the capability of killing us by the tens of millions with nuclear weapons, or else bordering our homeland and losing a war against drug cartels, often go unmentioned?

Just as in 2001 we could not have imagined where the next big threat to national security would come from, we may one day look back on this as the time when we could have done something, could have been paying attention, but weren't.

We stole thier combo plate idea

2011-06-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

Recently came across this short interview, in which Gustavo Arellano waxes sociological on the influence of Mexican food on American cuisine, and the ever-evolving, trans-border nature of food culture and identity. When asked whether plates smothered with yellow cheese can be considered truly Mexican:

"It absolutely is Mexican food, with no qualifiers. The great Chicano scholar Américo Paredes coined the term “Greater Mexico” to refer to how, even though Mexican migrants might’ve gone into the United States, that somehow didn’t negate their mexicanidad on virtue of geographic movement; they were still Mexican."

And some more interesting tidbits on regional variations:

"Cal-Mex cuisine has more guacamole, burritos, and tacos, and is really the pocho child of Sonoran cooking (where beef reigns, along with the flour tortilla) and central Mexico, specifically Jalisco (home to menudo, birria, pozole, and flautas, which we know better as taquitos). Then there’s New Mexican food, Colorado Mexican, Fresh Mex…just wait for the book!"

I'm happy about the shout-out to NM food, and I did not know that Cali-Mex was largely pocho Sonoran. Makes sense, though. Although there are probably plenty of immigrants from Mexico's deep south in the state, the political and social continuity between California and Baja/Sonora goes back to the days of Serra and de Anza.

Extraterrestrial

2011-06-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

On another note, there's this.

What do you think? I have always been alternately repulsed, drawn to and ambivalent about Katy Perry's music. More repulsed I guess.

What's your assessment?

How do you know?

2011-06-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Since I started my internship at the Latino Policy Forum and taking a social research methods class, I have found that I have been looking at things increasingly in terms of data. I’ve never been a math person, but I think I have always been inclined to put stock in charts and tables. I love a good graph. I love when social phenomena can be measured and analyzed, and how then that analysis can be used to influence policy or thought on a particular topic. I guess that’s why I have taken so well to my internship and this class.

In my other class, a policy course, we had a discussion last week about bullying. For those who aren’t in the know, bullying has become the hot and trendy topic in the field of social work and school counseling. Anti-bullying campaigns and curricula abound. The LGBTQ community has been key in raising the issue of bullying as it impacts their community. I have no qualms with the LGBTQ movement to shed light and change on this issue. I am skeptical, however, about the growing discourse on bullying in general as a new social issue in need of clinical and policy intervention.

As my classmates shared their horrifying experiences of working in high schools that “had no anti-bullying program whatsoever!”, I was thinking to myself, where is the research that shows the negative social impact of bullying? Are suicide rates and depression measurably higher than they would normally be without bullying? Is there any data that shows bullying as a new phenomenon, or is it just a new label for an age-old fixture of adolescence?

No one could answer these questions. Someone mentioned Columbine. Those kids were bullied, and look what they did.

Umm. No.

Millions of kids are “bullied” and they don’t go shoot up their school.

Anyway, I’m definitely evolving into an amateur policy and data wonk. Scanning spreadsheets full of Census data and amassing reports and press releases will do that.

I wonder how data figured into Nehemiah’s rebuilding of Jerusalem? Or Joseph’s management of the Egyptian food crisis. Or Daniel’s administrative duties in the Persian government.

What I’m seeking to understand is , in the complicated pipeline from education to knowledge production to advocacy to policy change, how do I honor God and steward his resources?

I have thought a lot about the relationship between being educated/having power and discipleship. I really do believe that for those of us who have been blessed with the opportunity to obtain “higher education,” we are called to invest that resource in whatever will bear lasting fruit. These are our “talents.” In our era, information truly is a tool of power.

The Romans knew this in Jesus’ time, using the census to keep track of their subjects for tax purposes.

Data and research are inherently political. Any social policy or law is backed up by years of research and thousands of man-hours. It has been exciting and overwhelming to me to be exposed to these behind-the-scenes workings of social policy and advocacy.

I am still formulating my thoughts about how my current work fits in with my faith and God’s calling for my life. I have no doubt that it does—although it may be more tangible when you are working face-to-face with clients in the “helping” professions.

More to come…

to love in pain

2007-02-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

I closed my cell phone and sighed. Bad news. Depressing news. Overwhelming, sad, gut-wrenching and painful news. I put the phone back in my pocket and continued feeding Sean. I was silent, and he could tell that something was wrong. Part of me wanted to tell him what was going on with my family, just so i could say in my heart "see, you're not the only one that has problems. I can tell you about problems." I banished the thought, ashamed at my own selfishness.

Sean tried to comfort me. His words were awkwardly delivered, but sincere. I looked away. I felt raw, weak, uncertain, exposed. Here was this 17 year old boy, who, for the last year and a half, had opened up his pain to me every single day, talking on and on, over and over about his frustrations with his family and the feeling of being isolated, ignored, not takes seriously, judged, powerless, helpless......
I was the one that was supposed to have words to say in these situations! I am the one who sits and listens while you are vulnerable with me, showing me your weakness, and allowing me to administer some truthful words, some hopeful exhortation. I am 8 years older than you. I am your mentor. I do not share my pain with you, much less open up my life to you and let your words minister God's love to me.

In the midst of pain and confusion, all this appeared as foolish, immature lies.

I am helpless. I am afraid, just like you are. I am weak, and i sometimes feel trapped, ignored, unloved. My pain is not much different from your pain. You are my brother, and you are an instrument of God's love. I could not see that until i was willing to let you say some words of truth into my own pain.

It is hard to love you. It is hard to love the people that i love the most. they are so difficult. they can be so annoying. they have such an amazing ability to misread, misunderstand and miscommunicate with me! Why even continue in relationships!?

Why does God continue in his steadfast love to generation after generation? Why does he usher us gently pack into his arms after we have run away from him? Why does he choose to share the communion of Passover with us after we have betrayed him and before we will deny him?

I do not understand.

But sometimes, my heart understands it.
There is so much pain, so much darkness. It is real. It is the world we live in. Our disinfected culture makes it seem like pain is abnormal, an anomaly. Really, pain is a fundamental link, a common ground, a shared experience of all human beings, ever since we chose our own foolish way in the garden of Eden.

Jesus, who shared in our pain, rescue us, save us.

returning

2006-11-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

Many things have compelled me to come back to this blog and begin writing again. I am not sure if people have given up on ever seeing me here again, but I hope to resurrect this space as a forum for my reflections, writing forays, and observations from a life in retreat and sabbath.

there will be more to come

2006-07-10T00:23:00.000-07:00

i am revived by the stirring of many aphids marching across
the face of a lone leaf
they tentatively move along the side
like lovers passing by deserted bedrooms
offering themselves to
nowhere all
at once.

this is my course
the path i was never meant to discover
or even think
think
of those times
in which my heart held its collection of immense fears
and mediocre satisfactions
by the minute, by the hour
grazing away at each person's life
i once loved

i am you, also
i am that strange seed
that beckoning darkness floating among uprooted
flowers in a lake
the insects arrange themselves in
such a way
as not to drown, or seem over-zealous
in their appetite.

I will pluck strings of ancient riddles and laughter
and feel with discomfort the touch of your breath
on my back
telling me
don’t ever ever leave me…

one green creature,
nothing more than a punctuation mark
in an ecosystem of mythic size
touched his feet out onto the water
ready to leave the leaf
but held in a deadly vice
by the quivering tension of the water
around each leg.

I am not that bug
I am not the one whom water and
The microscopic imperfections of biology
Hold fast from acting, from getting my food
That future’s prize for me is the fruit
Of freedom
Freedom to move and not be blown aside
Or swallowed up
Or forgotten by one’s comrades.

Current

2006-02-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

i have not been posting a lot recently. i think that it has been harder for me to make sense of my life, as my life has become more and more scheduled, compartmentalized.

I heard a beautiful song this morning. Damien Jurado, "Medication" . It was about a man who is trying to balance taking care of his mentally unstable brother with his own hectic life. it was very tender, and honest.

one thing that has me frustrated these days is this-- i am deeply involved in the lives of 3 young men. J and F from my neighborhood and Sean from South Pas. Each day, i see sean transforming into a compassionate, socially aware, well-balanced individual with a love for learning. It really really frustrates me that i do not see J and F changing that quickly. Or that i dont have the opportunity to spend as much time with them as i do with Sean. And i want to much to see them transformed by God's love. For that matter, i want so much for MYSELF to be transformed by God's love, yet i scarcely see it each day as each day seems to be exactly like the one that came before.

i am reminded of a verse in Habakkuk:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

2006-01-23T15:57:00.000-08:00

San Francicso was the sizznit. Had a great time and i loved the city. Drove and walked through many neighborhoods, got some good food, mad urban knowledge, a basketball game, and this bookstore that almost made me pee myself and want to move there right away.

unrelatedly, I found thisarticleon a friend's blog. dont read it unless you want to cry.

Flip Mode

2006-01-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

I am off to San Francisco this weekend with Rob and Eric.

Goings on this last week:

i have begun my first well-thought out art project. it will be a 3-d multi-media presentation. Beyond that, you'll have to come to Betsy's Art Night next weekend to see it. Or wait till i post pictures.

iPod and Myspace. Two Po-Mo techie youth culture phenomena that have invaded my life and threaten my spirituality. Jacob, dont get too caught up.

Ministry: The Summit St. Bible Club and mentoring two high-schoolers. What am I doing? What am I afraid of? What is God telling me about me? Where to go next? Can I have the grace and patience with myself that God does? What is God doing in them? All questions I have been seeking (and finding) answers to.

Soon to get a California drivers license. A big step for me. New Mexico is always in my heart.

Continued depth, joy, character growth and frustration at work. The school system angers me; education delights me. That is why I must do it.

2006-01-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

i have had an increased desire these days to do art...
I feel more and more like i have a sense of which music, images, shapes, colors i want to convey my perspective on the world. I guess i am beginning to hone my ideas of what is beautiful to me.

I wish i could make a short movie. I know what locations i would have, what angles, what music, what lighting....
The only thing is, i am very dry when it comes to ideas for narrative and plot development. If i were to make a film right now, it would be more like a visual poem or a song than a story. it would convey impressions, perspectives---on the contradictions i see around me, the mixture of the beautiful and the ugly, the sublime and mundane. It would be very human, very close to bodies, sounds, breathing, habits, waking, sleeping....but it would hint at the reaching for something beyong human. The transcendence of singing, of intimacy and touch, of creation, language, work, and ultimately, of seeking God.

i dont know, just some ideas.

I need a camera

2006-01-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

this is a cool picture my brother look last month from somewhere in northern New Mexico

2006-01-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

sometimes i have nothing to say, but i am too prideful and insucure to remain silent

sometimes i feel like i am not as mature or adult as everyone around me

sometimes i feel like my passions are a waste of my time to think about
and a waste of other people's time to talk about

snap out of it

2006-01-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

I have been reading this book as a part of my effort this season to take Sabbath more seriously. This verse about ministry flowing from solitude sticks out to me. it concerns judgementalism and compassion.

"judgement creates the distance, the distinction which prevents us from really being with the other"

This strikes to some of my deeper and shameful sinfulness, which is in judging others and being self-righteous. This was plaguing me last semester, and God has been teaching me a lot about my own condition and the (sometimes) painful humility it takes to do something as basic as love others, live daily life with them, and even pray for them.
I picked up a Novena Manual from home when I was there. This is a small booklet published by an order in the Catholic church that is devoted to meditating on and adoring the Precious Blood of Jesus and the sufferings and joys of Mary and Joseph. It has reminded me of the basic truth of my faith, which sadly, i dont think about much when my mind and life are so consumed with action and ministry: That Jesus' blood was Holy and Precious and that for his entire life, he was destined to shed it painfully, every drop, so that my sinfulness could be washed away. There is a solemn beauty in this, which is conveyed wonderfully and worshipfully in the Catholic tradition.
How I need to be reminded of Jesus' blood every day as it is hard to be humble and see myself as no better than others. I need it just as much as they do.

scenes from New Mexico

2006-01-08T15:45:00.000-08:00

my so-called life

2006-01-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

i'll have some pictures to post up in the next few days

this has felt like a long break. I am glad for it. God met me in ways i would not have expected.

I had not expected to look back into my life as much as i did these last couple weeks. Among other things, it is clear that there is no turning back. The person I have become is very different and more whole than the person i would have become had i stayed and grown here in NM
Praise God for his nurturing of a new creation in me. Yet, as i spent time in old places in old company, it became clear that much of that boy is still in me. Much of the desires, the values, the vices, the habits are still a part of me.
It has been sobering to trace the veins of my woundedness through mementos of my past, as well as in the lives of people from my past who are still struggling (whether they know it or not) Old yearbooks reminded me of my insecurities, social fears, isolation. All the missed opportunities for relationships. Boxes of old letters paint a picture of early, awkward and destructive emotional attachments, addictions, manipulations. Feelings that i did not know how to define or control, and people that i hurt or was hurt by--but also loved and was loved by. The level of depth in some of them was amazing, and i could see that as i moved from one place to another (from home to Pomona, for example) I was very adept at creating myself anew and avoiding the pain or the complications of what i had left behind, not knowing that had i paid attention to those things and stepped into the discomfort, there could have been some healing and blessing for me.

And my friends here. I spent more time with old high-school folk than i usually do, but in the midst of them i felt distant, not one of them. This is not unusual for me when i am home, but what struck me this time was how little had seemed to change in many people's lives. Not only that, but i found out in more detail how sad and hurting some of my friend's lives continue to be. Everyone is searhcing. Everyone i knew from back in the day was earnestly looking for answers. More often than not it was in the form a man or a woman who in the end betrayed and abandoned them. For others it was drugs, for others it was success.

Whatever it is, I remain as one of them. I am a fallen son just like all the fallen sons and daughters around me. But it really made me stop and think-- what is it that I have in Christ that makes me--us--different? What is the meaning of my faith and my redemption? What do i have to offer? What am I accountable and responsible for that they are not? Why do i believe what i believe and do what i do? A part of me feels comfortable with my old friends. I relate to them, i have fun with them. But a deeper part continues to feel a profound unease, almost an anxiety or a fear. It is a fear for them. It is a fear of this world, even a holy fear that you get from knowing the true nature of things.
we are still on the same pilgrimage, beloved by the same father as they are.

i guess when i look back on all the confusing and painful things about my life, one thing i can honestly say is that i have known myself more as i have known God more. When i did not know God, my life was tangled, darkened and a dissipation of my energy and resources. It continues to be those things even now when i chose away from Him. But lest this be just a long depressing reflection on my crappy life--let me say this: It was not crappy. There were many graces, many real joys and many enduring signs and gifts of God's mercy and faithfulness.

I hope to connect more deeply in the future with my family and friends from Albuquerque. Pray that God would grow me in the wisdom, compassion and boldness i will need to go there.

home on the range

2005-12-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

i've been home for a week. I'll come back to Pasadena in another week.
Being home is like a vortex, where i am separated from everything about my life in Cali. The distance has been good. Getting my head clear about my life, ministry, spirituality-- has been essential. but i do miss you all

I got an iPod!! my new favorite toy. It hold pictures, too. really good quality ones, so i put a lot of my brother's pics of the family on it.
John was home for a few days along with me. it was great to see him after more than a year.

another highlight of the week was my 5 year high school 'reunion' I dont think i can convey to you the feeling of it. it was strange, surreal, and eeriliy familiar. Everyone talked to the same people they talked to in high school. i guess thats not unusual. But it made it feel like those awkward days all over again. i almost didnt have the guts to go. But it was great to get back with some old friends from MEChA and roll in there like the Brown Squad. Some things never change. I was happy to see some people in particular, and wished i had got more time with them before they left to their respective settlements.
i will be reflecting on this for a while. that, and looking at all my old yearbooks have made me realize some of the roots of my psycoses ;-)

King Kong was awesome, too.

Oh, and if you watch the Rose Parade this year, keep an eye out for the 1st ever NEW MEXICO theme float. It will "reflect the Native, Hispanic and Anglo heritage of the Land of Enchantment"

2005-12-19T12:36:00.001-08:00

havent been posting the last couple of weeks.
still here, though

Things are looking up, after a rough couple of weeks.
I am looking forward to the break. 2 weeks at home (and possibly a 60GB iPod?)

here are some pictures of New Mexico at christmas time. notice the luminarias

2005-12-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

Bakersfield

2005-11-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

here i am at the Virtual Enterprise Business and Trade Fair Competitions in Bakersfield, Kern County California.

I have my own hotel room with king size bed all to myself.

Earlier, Sean, his mom and i had dinner at John's Incredible Pizza-- an all you can eat pizza and gaming extravaganza

Later, all the other students will come back from the convention center after dancing, karaoke, DDR and commence to do whatever high schoolers will do when they are alone with other high schoolers in nice hotel rooms in another city.

Life is funny

Thank you, Hugo, for taking care of our poor

2005-11-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

When I read this article it amazed and amused me greatly, so I had to share it.
I have been interested in Hugo Chavez since taking Latin American history classes in college and seeing the documentary "The Revolution Will be Televised" about his coup and rise to power. I think he is one of the most interesting and important world leaders of our time.

Anyway...most of the time you hear about him it is because he is butting heads with Bush. This is very important, becasue for most of the last 40 years, Latin American leaders have gone along smoothly with neo-liberalism, global capitalism, right-wing politics and being political and military clients of the US in the region. Chavez reperents the resurgence of the Populist, leftist leader of days gone by, when charismatic and controversial figures came to power by delivering on their promises to help the poor. Chavez has been the champion and spokes person for the working poor, land reform, environmentalism, anti-US economic imperialism and every thing else that is good and decent that George Bush hates.

So here is old Hugo, ever the villian, the thorn in the side of the Bush Administration, providing a service to AMERICA's POOR! What is wrong with this picture? How beautifully does this illustrate what is going on in our times?!

Recently, the US Oil Industry has come under fire from even Republicans in Congress who say the oil companies should be accountable for the MASSIVE profits that have been made this last year with the extraordinarily high gas prices (price gouging motivated by pure greed) US lawmakers have been saying that the oil companies should be giving some of that money to the benefit of the people. now, you know the amount of money they made with the high gas prices must be obcene when you hear REPUBLICANs calling for acocuntability!

So......here is Venezuela, also experiencing a windwall of oil revenue from the high gas prices. And what do they do? in addition to helping their own poor, they gave discounted gas to heat AMERICAN poor homes during the winter!!

Love your enemies.
Amen

2005-11-18T12:42:00.000-08:00

I think that one of the the things that Jesus wants us to understand about Him and about life is this: That there is something profound about pain. There is a way in which we can, in our human pain, really be human with (and thus, love) our neighbor.
Our pain, our longing for an end to pain is what unites us all. We spend our lives trying to hide it, escape it, numb it or understand it.
What Jesus did was come into the world's pain, and make it his own. In this way he became fully human.

How can we become fully human? How can we love our neighbor?

Every day i am around people who struggle to live through circumstances that are painful. I aid a student who was born unable to walk or move his limbs. I live in a neighborhood where people have to work very hard for the things that they need, and broken relationships result in fighting, depression, and self-destruction. I myself struggle with the sins, flaws and limitations that keep me from the life God wanted for me.

Here is where we can connect. My pain, is their pain. I can view my pain as the pain. The agony that defines our expereince as humans who are living not as we are meant to live, but marred and blinded by sin.

Truly this is the mercy that God showed us. The mercy of knowing our pain and making it his. This is my redemption, it is your redemption, it is the redemption of our communities as we go forth and do the same. You can truly love someone and serve them when you see that their pain is your pain, I think

Every person knows deep in their soul that things are not the way they should be. we wait for the Kingdom, but what does it mean to wait but to suffer-with? Com-passion

sweet

2005-11-17T13:08:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening

2005-11-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

I recently had the desire to explore more acoustic emo music. I became enamoured of this genre back during my freshman year of college when Joel, my friend and fellow music fanatic introduced me to such artists as pedro the Lion, Damien Jurado, Songs Ohia, Other Desert Cities and Starflyer 59 to name a few. There was a particular quality of the music that was simple and soft, and spoke to my soul's inner depths....the part of me that would just want to stare out the window and then write down some free-form poetry. It was a nice compliment to the hip hop, funk and soul that dominated my musical repertoire.
Here is something i recently picked up--"Veneer" By Jose Gonzalez-- and a quote from a Spin magazine review

"González is a Swedish-born Argentine folkie who exhales snatches of rainy-day poetry and finger-picks his guitar like he's backing a suicidal flamenco dancer. But his debut betrays no melodrama, just an exquisitely brittle, bruised articulation of how bewildering and devastating it can be to wake up every day and watch your hope slip away before the coffee is even made." A-

Other stuff....the new Los Lobos album. Some of the best and coolest Mexican traditional music performers.

And i am waiting for this in the mail--- more melancholy, poetry-inspiring instrumental/sample-based hip hop. (trip-hop, as it were). A local producer known as Dday One. The album is called "Loop Extensions"

feats of strength

2005-11-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

Last night was a fun time. The Northwest Neighbors men all faced off one by one with Greg to honor him and his Germanic/Midwestern roots by wrestling. It was an evening of epic struggles, pitting man against man, intern against intern, executive director against intern, and people group against people group.
Props to Greg for emerging victorious in about 7 of 9 matches. His valor and stamina were stunning (or maybe that was the blow to the skull i revieved when Greg and I accidentally butted heads)

Happy Brithday, Greg

2005-11-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

2005-11-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

Querida

waves of grainy cumbias and guajiras flutter through the
walls and in between doorways
sad strains, with dust and shards of sunlight
a cloudy vase sits atop a thickly painted red table
only a fiery dead rose inside

the times of needing her are over
left to ponder unknown words and intentions
trapped and aching in this space
in this space
in this city
cracked concrete, smell of taqueria, cars moving
human bodies from hogar to trabajo
bungalows and apartments hiding millions of
stories under cover of sooty palm trees.
Kissing her was like kissing tragedy
like embracing something that was only a word away from
becoming a phantom
together, we forgot the path ahead of us
lived solemnly backward and backward in time
whispering echoes of chocolate,
café con leche
incense smoke
and Mayan pyramids

the needle sputters and pops as it glides over the record
I strain to hear her voice—
that sound that brought colors to life
and made all songs repeat her name,
her name

we carved our stories into the loneliness of nameless streets
walked them
made each other laugh and
sing on them
and shared the joy of watching
a neighborhood change and grow

her voice now massages fading mysteries
into my mind
her memory is a dark deer
quiet breath into chill air
a twitch
then gone
onto a mossy mountain path I will never find

2005-11-05T17:39:00.000-08:00

hope it goes well

2005-11-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight Teresa and I are going over to Cal State Fullerton to begin a teaching series on justice and God's love for the poor. I will be speaking for 30 min on the topic of God's identifying with the poor...
I am a little nervous about going into this. i am just not sure how it will be recieved or how well my talk presents the material i want to get across.
please pray that the Holy Spirit works through it and that people hear what they need to hear.
i like preaching to a group, but it still makes me nervous, especially when i dont really know the crowd

America, Vol 1

2005-11-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

In honor of Dia de los Muertos

on another note...i've been wanting to start a topical 'blog series' kind of like Jason had last year about capitalism.
I've been wanting to talk about the idea of America-- The concept that America itself is a concept, an abstraction that shifts, evolves, adapts to different settings, different historical periods and different personal or social needs.
What does America mean?
what does it mean to immigrants?
what does it mean to soldiers?
to Christians?
to Muslims?
to city-dwelers? rural dwellers?

i think the discussion is important, because more and more, our leaders on the natonal level are shaping policy annd moving us in a direction that leads toward their particular idea of what America is. Call it religious conservatism, privitaization, villification of outsiders (immigrants, 'terrorists') and subversive insiders (gays, minorities, liberals, welfare mothers, teachers)
in any case, i think there is a case to be made for the idea that in no time in history has there ever been a unity, a nation or a community that could be called the United States. The title 'American' is an arbitrary, abstract one--yet it takes on meaning depending on your context and your other identities within your context.

Look at the history of America before the Civil War. What were the 13 colonies? Most historians agree that the bond between them was relatively weak until after the Civil War when Federal power greatly increased. What was America then? A Continental Army? A set of laws called the Constitution? A wealthy, landed elite maintaining power over the masses of disenfranchised or enslaved people? Or was it the thousands of stories of the mixing and melding of ethnic groups, the negotiation in homes, on farms, in the streets, on the frontiers of new and changing identities? Was it the experience of the Iroquois, the Sioux, the Cherokee? Was America the crucible for new cultures, languages, economies? Was it the destination for people who wanted to forget where they came from? Was it the goal of people who wanted to make things better for themselves and their decendants?

Remember that wars have been fought, people have died over the issue of what defines America. People have gone to their death clinging to the desire for this idea to be real. But it never was real, nor could it ever be. Humans have been creating America since day one, and we continue to create it, which is why i think we are either so critical or so proud of it. It is the best of what we can create and it is the worst.

One thing i want to throw out there is defining the most fundamental unit of social organization. As you go from Global to national to local, what is the point at which you cross over from the abstract to the real? Is there such thing as a global community? A nation? Is the most basic form of social organization the family? The neighborhood? the married couple? the Church?

What is America to the youth in my neighborhood? On one level,they are products of the public school system. The purpose of the public school system was to assimilate immigrants in the late 1800s and early 1900s by molding their minds around the idea that , yes, indeed there is a thing called America and here is what it looks like to be a part of it-- good citizenship, know your history, obey the rules, speak English, stay in line, no cuts, play sports, learn some skills and get a job.
Public education is the factory in which the labor force for capitalism is produced (soldiers and prisoners as well as mechanics and managers)

So....the youth in our neighborhood have some sense of a mythical and all-encompassing America. It is taught to them in the schools. But what is their experience of America outside school? That is where it gets fascinating, because they and their families are in the process of creating "America" First of all, they are "Americans" before they even crossed the borders of this nation. They come here, raise their children here, work, live, buy things, make relationships, pay taxes, commit crimes, engage in politics, re-shape the ecology, etc.
But what would they consider their community, their 'country'? Some would say Mexico, or Guatemala or El Salvador. Others would describe a 'globalized community' in which family relationships, resources and information permeate national borders and form a kind of 'third space' of identity that is not confined or defined by colors or lines on the map. Some would say Pasadena. Some California. Some would say Chicano, some Latino. Some might say 'I am an American.' ........
to be continued

2005-10-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

Notice the rapt curiosity of the audience as i try to flesh out the contrast between the Johannine and the Lucan theologies, as they pertain to the concept of the in-dwelling "pneuma," or Spirit. The talk went a little over the 90-minute mark i had set, but i sensed from their response that they're ready for next week's systematic examination of Logos and the triune nature of the Trinity.

2005-10-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

i think that those of us who move into the city from intervarsity and college campuses think too much and feel too much for our own good. we are desperately self-centered and ill-equipped to handle even the most routine realities of life in the city. we compartmentalize our expereinces into intellectual, emotional and spiritual categories and then think and reflect on them over and over. We are needy-- needy for people who are like us to surround us, affirm us, provide us with a listening ear, entertainment, comparison, and people to share weaknesses and insecurities with. We have not suffered, not fought an uphill battle our entire lives, we are uptight and hyper-sensitive, hyper-analytical and rigid....whereas our neighbors are more spontaneous, able to cope with living and working and struggling in real life, aged and educated by accumulated wisdom, family bonds forged in survival, migration, poverty, upward mobility, cultural adaptation...
we take many things too seriously, yet we give ourselves to very few serious things. We talk about suffering and sacrifice and community, yet we run away from discomfort and continue to be individualistic until we hit a crisis point and then we ask someone to pray for us. Our character growth is so slow because our egos and insecurities are so big.

praise God for using us anyway. he loves us so much.

love in, love out

2005-10-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

life for me this last month has been defined by a very strong (and i think in some ways healthy) tension that i have felt every day.

In college, my leaders always had to challenge me to get up, get out and be involved with the people i was ministering to. i was very stingy with my time. These days, it is the other way around. I have been feeling a deep nagging need to get back into solitude, to take some rest and to reflect on the things that have been going on. But what i've been doing is saying 'yes' to almost everything, leaving me with almost no time to myself....On the other hand, i am really happy with the relationships that have come from my time in the neighborhood, and excited about building them up even more during the next year.

recently, i have been recieving teaching about the importance of informal relationships, and shared needs among neighbors....i love these things, and have discovered God blessing me and those around me through them. This is why i wanted to do urban ministry, so that i could see community being built and be a part of that.

But there needs to be time to pray
there needs to be time to rest
to connect with loved ones and friends in other places
to celebrate

but this leads me to another thing ive been thinking about. Jason reminded us that real community in the kingdom of God is when people can rest, celebrate and fellowship across class and cultural lines and neighbors...And I have been feeling this. Times with Reza and kids from R2R have been fun and relaxing when we take them out for ice cream and Borders. Celebrating Juan's cousin's brithday at his house, and Juan's birthday last night at another neighbor's house were both joyful times for me, that did not sap my energy that much at all.
Coming from intervarsity and the college ministry context, this is new for me. And i love it. I love that 'ministry' for me is finally flowing out of my being, and not from a burdensome structure or expectation.....

yet i am still self-centered
i still am taking more than i am giving
i still have a lot to learn and a lot to see
a lot that i want to do and see

all this to say, I am really happy with where my life is going right now in terms of neighborhood and community, but without staying connected to God in prayer and personal devotion, i feel like my life is being poured out before my eyes without being refilled. It needs to be coming from an overflow of God's love for me as his son...

what its really about

2005-10-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

last night i took the two boys i am mentoring to shop for shoes and then to Equator, an artsy hooka-bar/coffee shop in an alley off of Colorado Blvd in old Town. It was interesting seeing their reactions to the place. It seemed from their reactions that they were a bit wierded out by the strange artwork and the employees with huge plug-earrings-- not to mention the vast menu of odd and foreign (to them) items.

They got regular hot chocolate, and we sat down to talk on the couches next to a broken pac man machine, with mellow reggae music playing sofly in the background.
it was a good time...probably one of the most restful, laid back times i have had hanging out with them. it felt like they were more mature and certainly willing to try a new experience (be "cross-cultural") and this was encouraging.

a theme of this weekend's NWN retreat was interdependent community of shared needs and genuine relationships...I feel blessed to have been experiencing the beginnings of this where i am now.

3rd post in one day!!! check the rest!

2005-10-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

Jason and his inquiry about land grants in California has re-kindled my interest in my family tree research. During my senior year, I managed to construct a pretty extensive family tree starting with myself and going back in time. There are only some small gaps in terms of connecting my paternal line back to the first Vigils that arrived in New Mexico from Zacatecas in 1695. This (left) is the family name coat of arms from Spain. Below is just a little info i have been able to find more recently. When i go back home, i hope to bring back my file with all the information i had compiled from spending hours in the library and the state archives.

Vigil
Castilianized form of Asturian-Leonese Vixil, a habitational name from a place named Vixil in the district of Consejo de Siero, Asturies.

The name Vigil first appears in the New Mexico history in the late 1600's. Francisco Montes Vigil and Maria Jimenez De Ancizo were colonists from Zacatecas. In Santa Fe in 1695, he said he was a native of El Real De Zacatecas and thirty years old. In 1710, he received a grant of land at Alameda, but sold it two years later.

emotion

2005-10-04T13:17:00.000-07:00

emotions have been a theme lately around here
my relationships with Juan and Frankie are becoming more emotionally involved. I have had to apologize to each of them once for small failures. Frankie's mom, each time I see her, talks to me at length about how Frankie is at home and the issues she deals with in their family. This is incredible, and really valuable to me....but after we finish talking, i leave feeling a little like i need to shoulder the burden of Frankie's emotional life with his family
and then there is just the day-to day understanding of their lives and the things they see, talk about, deal with each day, and HOW they deal with things. How they relate to girls, to each other, how they relate to me and other adults in NWN.

where is the balance between shouldering too much emotional burden and none at all?

more and more, i realize that i do not know what i am doing when it comes to this. Hopefully, prayer this weekend will remind me of why these boys are important to God and what he wants for them. And where i fit itno all that.

meanwhile, my emotional outlet has been listening to music, and writitng poetry while listening to emo-rock and classical music. (see below)

random verse

2005-10-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

sparkle
simmer
simple lying like nothing
breath in the space behind her teeth
eyelash curved black like
the middle of her eye
only this
only forever

mouth of red
speaks whispered mutterings
that
sound like your name
but really are just
sounds of air and lips and
tongue and teeth
against dream silkiness
laughing spurts out
smiled, giggled
looked the other way

this is the clay of life
of touch
of bodies’ imperfection
and perfect beauty
intimacy
awkwardness
the slight embarrassment of
physical contact
even when you invited it

olas en el mar
me siento triste
triste
nadando en olas
en mares
en mares de flores
mares de blanco, crema
dedos suaves
estoy contento pero chiquito
en el azul
azul cómo
un lago profundo
que nunca existió

to the outside you work
accommodate
perform
arrive on time
fulfill expectations
and behave yourself
but in your heart you are the Earth’s musician
you are the giant resting on a bed of millions of rain-wet pine trees
you are every bird
every fish
every fast thing on every unsearched continent
the singer of melodies never heard
the son on ancient stories
the untouchable boy hero of the woods
and the creek
and the plains
sleeping in grass under a billion stars
the day before never holds you down
and the next day never exists until you create it
with brazen fervor and arrogance

“Turn your eyes from me,
they overwhelm me…”
Song of Songs 6:5

where have I belonged
during my life?
I remember times in the house
times of afternoon light
lazily beaming through curtains
and catching tiny pieces of dust
in the middle of a sublime dance
in the air
each small speck illuminated as if
it were the moon catching the brilliant
light of the sun and flinging it lovingly
back to nighttime Earth
I would lay on the brown orange carpet and wonder
why can I only see the dust that is in the light
are there more that I don’t see, more hidden in the dimness
but no less beautiful?

awaiting...

2005-10-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

the long awaited 5th album from Minneapolis-based indie-rapper Atmosphere (Slug on rhymes, Ant on beats) I have it coming in the mail some time this week. Atmosphere is the premier underground act right now--their style is raw, creative, gritty, articulate and honest

In other news...

I have been reading Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the U.S" again. This book altered the cousre of my life in 11th grade AP US history. As we are learning about Colonial American history in Sean's classes this month, i thought it would be nice to get some perspective. Particularly on Columbus, whose holiday is coming up, and the Puritans, who influenced faith and politics in this country so much, but whose deeds back in the day were less than shining.

i was fortunate in college to have taken a class on Medieval Spain and Morocco, in which we read Columbus' journals, but from the perspective of what was going on in Spain rather than in America. It is interesting to interpret the meaning of Columbus' actions in terms of the expulsion of the Muslims and Jews from Spain and the establishment of the first Christian nation-state in Spain.

2005-09-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

my talk at Occidental went really well last night. i love preaching, i've discovered. i was on a real high after it was over. it is so encouraging to have seen God work in my words in that way.

thank you for all those that prayed for me.

just a little notice--- i am about to be out of internet access in the home for at least one month. so the frequency of my posts here will not be as much, but i will still be checking my email at work.

some cool tshirts

2005-09-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

2005-09-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

“Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?”
-Numbers 23:19

They sailed to the region of the Gerasenes, which is across the lake from Galilee. When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time, this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs.

Jesus came to this town. He intentionally came there. He knew about this town, and that this man was living there. There was a reason for his arrival. He got in a boat and sailed across the lake to this town, knowing what he would encounter there, knowing the work his Father wanted to do there. This is who Jesus was. He went intentionally to the places where there was shame, pain, evil, destruction, powerlessness.

A demon possessed this man. He was powerless. He was not in his right mind. He was controlled by a force that only sought to destroy him. He had no power to get rid of it, or act for his own healing. This had gone on for a long time. Many years, probably. This is how he lived. At the mercy of evil and confusing forces beyond his control. This was his life. For how many of us does this describe our lives?

No clothes. That is, no dignity, and with his shame exposed. No cover to keep him from the elements or to designate his as part of the human family. A constant reminder of the humiliation and degradation that evil causes. In his enslavement, he was repulsive to the people around him. We are reminded of the tender act of mercy God showed to Adam and Eve, taking life for the first time in order to clothe these first fallen people.

He had not lived in a house. He had no home. This demon had separated him from a home. What does this mean? How significant is this? What is it like to not have a home? A bed to lay down on. A space to rest in. A familiar, comfortable place. A place to meet the people you love. A place for you to own. He did not have this. That is what the demon did. The demon took him away from home. Away from the center of life, from the place where he could have found rest and recognition.

He had lived in the tombs. O how we do the same, when we slink into our sin, surrendering our strength, our will to the temptations that so thickly surround us! It is death—not just homelessness, but living (if you could call it that) among death, decay, putrid, unclean soul-less flesh. How hopeless, how dark this must have been for him. Day after day, retreating in torment to the tombs, isolated from all good things, all the promises of God. This is me, when I am tempted to impress others, tempted to have confidence in my doing the right thing, tempted to be critical, to lust, to isolate myself, to define myself by or escape in material things, to be cynical, bitter or complacent about injustice, to rely on and seek affection and attention from the people around me as a substitute for God….
How could he see a way out for himself? Who would save him from this bondage?

2005-09-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

one of the most encouraging and positive things that has happened to me this week was tuesday. Leaving work, i take Fair Oaks, which brings me by the students from Blair waiting for the bus. I saw Charlie and Gaby so i picked them up. As we drove home, i told them about the situation with the buy i work with at SP High. I was so blessed by their immediate concern and excitement about the idea of praying for his healing. They even wanted to meet him and pray for him themselves! These girls have a strong understanding of the Holy Spirit, and more faith in it than I do. It was so encouraging to ask them questions about faith and the Spirit, and revieve wise counsel about loving and praying for Sean.

Thanks girls

pray

2005-09-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

this job has gotten real live real fast

today Sean told me "If God could raise Lazarus from the dead and heal people, why can't he heal me....I hate him even more if he can do it, becasue that means that he just doesnt want to."

i really want to believe that God will heal him. I would love to be put out of a job. i am scared, though. His family are beleivers, and i am sure that they have prayed for years for him. i am sure that many people have. What would it take, God? What will it take for you to heal him?

Right before he told me this stuff, we had been talking about God and Christianity in America. He agrees with me that the God of the bible-- the God who is powerful and heals people--is not the God of the American church. But he will not have faith in God, becasue he is afraid of trusting him only to be disappointed when God does not come through for him.

I wish i could have taken all afternoon to finish this conversation. What can i do? It is interesting that these conversations take place in the nurse's office, the only time when we are alone, and i am changing his daiper. It is interesting becasue it is a time where he is the most vunerable, the most exposed and dependent. It would be a very awkward time if we did not have the relationship that we do.
Would that he see something of God's love for him in the tenderness and humility of those that care for him. Would that we be humble and tender.

yes

2005-09-08T15:42:00.000-07:00

Check out this post on Lexie's xanga- having to do with art and music as a way of mourning particularly in New Orleans. I really appreciated it.

Praise God for a first bible study last night. It was fun, and the kids learned some truth about God. We keep praying.

Also, first day of school in Pasadena!

2005-09-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

tonight Reza and I went inviting kids to our first bible club that is taking place tomorrow night. We are both really excited about this. it has been my vision to see a few of these families in particular be brought in to the ministry. I have had such a hope and vision for these kids. For some of them, the environment they live in is very harsh and negative, and it might hinder them from even being involved with us in the future. We need to especially pray for them. My heart has been burdened for these kids in particular, and i really hope they will be allowed to come.

After we went inviting, i had a good time cooking pancit, a Filipino dish with Reza and Adriana and Rosa, two girls from Betsy's bible study. They are so much fun! The food was really good, too.

2005-09-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

Tell-A-Lie welcome in every home
vacuum vision infiltrates the dome
dismantle the Panasonic Prophet
with pixelated power turned on to make a profit
Radiating box power supply
ubiquitous babysitter strangles every eye
the children planted receptive complacent antenna
sheltered from reality, technology's mental umbrella
the unconquered frontier brings static to your vision
choose your channel and slurp up national superstition
but dont forget to play your position
blind consumption of media = unqualified submission

beads

2005-09-04T01:43:00.000-07:00

a boy is sitting on his chair in the dark
in his hand, a rosary
dark, smooth wooden beads
he rubs one gently with finger and thumb
watching it spin around a tiny silver chain.
silver Christ, glued to a polished wooden cross
his minute face solemn, peaceful
but olny lines etched skillfully into metal

he leans his neck back against the top of the chair
he can see nothing, glaring up at the ceiling.
clutching the cross loosely in his hand
in and out of sleep
wishing for some thing
hearing some kind of word, but maybe it is no word
music that is not there

alone
he joins the small silver Jesus in quiet sleep
away, but into the heart of himself
crying bead-drops nobody can hear

2005-09-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

This picture is of a legal wall behind Workmen's hip hop clothing and graffitti supply store on Melrose in Hollywood. That's for you, bro.

This picture is from the childrens' ministry craft night a couple weeks back. Juvenal, Adriana, me, Alejandra, Reza, Claudia and Norel. All of them were in the summer program except Claudia.

I've been getting off work at 3. i like having a short work day. It will probably be like this until October, when i start tutoring after school. Interestingly, the job of tutor at SPHS pays significantly more than my current job of Special Needs Aid.

I've been thinking a lot lately, more soberly about my life.
it seems like things constantly hang in a delicate balance between chaos and evil on one side, and peace and salvation on the other. More and more, it is clear how lost all people are. How utterly given over to destruction-- self-destruction and destruction of others. More and more it is clear to me that this is the world i live in, and for as long as i am alive, a part of me will be drawn to it. Seduced by lies. Seduced by the desire to have all for myself and ignore other human beings. It sounds extreme, but this is fundamentally what is behind our fallen condition.

i've been thinking about the hurricane in New orleans. That city was the homicide capital of the nation this last year. the disaster came right at the hub of the country's oil production centers, at a time when we are engaged in an unjust war with oil at the center of it. What is God doing? we cannot presume to know. Like Greg said, we must repent! we must not retain any illusion of our own goodness, righteousness, salvation. will we heed the cleansing destruction of these events and clean out our lives from everything that is reprehensible, filthy, built up, glittery, superficial, 'reliable'? Lament that so many have lost so much. how much more will we lose if we do not heed the words of the prophets.

First Day

2005-09-01T15:04:00.000-07:00

today was my first day at work. South Pas High. I must say it was pretty good. It was good to meet Sean, and it was kind of fun navigating the awkward world of high school again.
Praise God that things are going smoothly. Hopefully i will remain teachable, humble and attentive and not fall into a routine. Pray for eyes to see and ears to hear.

change of course

2005-08-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting link that the homegirl Amy Walter sent me. Good lookin out

I have some thoughts about this blog. i realize that the last several months, i have mainly used it for posting ruched updates, random things of interest and pictures. Thats all good, but I have been inspired recently (mainly by two friends from the PA) to use this space as what i had originally intended it for-- a space for reflection, sharing and feedback on what God is doing (in me and in the world), my spiritual development, and particularly the ministry that i am involved in.

This will all depend on my own initiative of course. part of my motivation is that i desire more connectedness, more community. i realize that web logs and cyberspace is not true community, but we work with what we have at our disposal in our 'workaday' lives. I have also missed getting meaniful feedback from all you people who visit this blog, which i think i was getting more of back when i was posting more meaningful things from my heart. Rather than posting pictures of the kids, i want to write about them. You know what i mean?

I just returned from a week and a half in Albuquerque. The time was pretty laid back. Home is home, and it can be very comfortable or very frustrating. Now here I am in Pasadena, and i am realizing that i almost never make this transition back in a good healthy way. i feel very disconnected. i feel ( as i often do) that i ran away from God while i was at home, and i do not have the emotional energy or humility to come back to him now. this highlights a deeper theme: Whenever i fall into times of darkness, lonliness or sin patterns, i will isolate myself, wallow in shame and hide-- basically, it is hard form me to accept or believe in God's grace. I believe in it for other people, but not for me. It is hard for me to accept that God is patient with me sometimes, becasue my failures tend to be the same failures that i have always had.

But grace is beautiful. O how beautiful it is. That Our Creator would see us and not be angry, that he would see us without our stains, and would lift us up and keep walking with us, keep blessing us, and giving us good gifts.

I feel like i havent been 'me.' So it is hard to think of getting back into the flow of things with the youth-- to really step up into this new season. i prepared for it and prayed about it when i was home. I am excited about the mentoring relationships. but i think i really need to pray and think about grace.....if it were not for grace, i would not abel to do any of this.

O Brother

2005-08-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

please observe my new list of links to your right. I am particularly excited about the addition of Lexie's Xanga, a chronicle of ministry life in Claremont.

also, i want to share my latest music interest. Last night i watched "O Brother Where Art Thou?" with my Dad. I love the Coen brothers' movies, and what particularly struck me was the soundtrack. 15 minutes into the film, i knew i had to have it.

For real, this is the gangster shit. I've been flirting with the idea of exploring 'bluegrass' or 'American roots music' Something about it has always intrigued me... this soundtrack is straight up S O U L. I cant even explain it. It is deeply, deeply spiritual, and also very honest about daily life, work, sin, redemption. Thats why i like the blues...it is similar to the blues, and influenced by it. I highly recommend this soundtrack, and i will for sure be getting down on more of this stuff.

Also new on the playlist:

Dj Z-Trip- "Changing Gears" Z-Trip is a DJ from Phoenix, who has appeared on many turntablist comps, mixtapes, live shows, bboy jams and collabos with other DJs. This is his first actual album. Pretty good, especially the track with Soup from Jurassic 5

AWOL One and Daddy Kev "Killafornia" AWOL is probably the most unusual hip hop MC you'll ever hear. Straight out of the Los Angeles underground scene, He is not a particularly skilled rhymer, but the combination of his voice and his thought process is stunning. You find yourself intently listening to what he is going to say next. A lot of it is hilarious. Best line on the EP so far: "I'm so underground, I should be a potato!"

posting from New Mexico

2005-08-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

here i am, back home. This home is a place that is stranger to me each time I come back. yet, the familiarity is always nice.
I love the air here. To me, the air in Pasadena is thick and muggy. It is in a valley. I love Albuquerque becasue it is high in the desert. The air is clean, fresh and crisp, even when its hot outside. The first morning i was here, i took the best deep breath i've had in a long time.

The drive in was not too bad. 12 1/2 hours. I didnt get too tired.

The pace of life is much slower here. For some reason, it seems more like a small town than the last time i was here.

I will probably go see my grandparents tonight.

Hopefully i will also have some time to reflect. Right before i left, I accepted a job at South Pasadena High school, as a Special Needs Aid. I will be working exlusively with Sean, a 16 year old with cerebral palsey. He has almost no physical ability, so i will go with him to classes, take notes for him, transcribe his homework, take him to the bathroom....
This will be challenging work, but the prospect of developing a friendship that would probably otherwise not occur is exciting to me.
I have also been thinking a lot about adolescence and the youth. I think i have been very frustrated with the 14-15 year old age bracket. Since being home with my 15 year old brother, this has greatly increased. I guess i struggle with really understanding and having patience for where they are emotionally, developmentally, socially. I really want to love them, but often this is a challenge. Even though i am often confused and troubled by them and the things i see in their lives, I am anticipating really good relationships with J and F this year, as i hope to get to know their families and school lives. I pray that they (and I) would be open to God's words and will. Also for my brother. I was thinking last night that really, my absence for the crucial 10 to 14 years old age range had a bigger effect on him than i thought. I think that if i had been there to be a friend, a guide, a mentor to my brother, then he would be a different person, or at least a little more well adjusted and emotionally stable...maybe even mature.

This is hard to think about, but i think i need to face it. I need to understand what it means that i have re-located and chosen God's will in another place far from home....

2005-08-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

2005-08-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

i have a job interview with South Pasadena High School today
and another one for Odyssey Charter School in Pasadena tomorrow.
On Wednesday i will be driving to Albuquerque for a week.

oooooooo

Good News

2005-08-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Today was special.

With very little preparation, I spoke the Gospel message to all the children at the summer program today. We remembered some of the things we learned at VBS. I told them how much God loves us and how we can be close to Him. I told them what kind of life God offers.
After Charlie gave her testimony (she is much cooler than i am in their eyes) almost all of the kids in the room raised their hands saying they wanted to let Jesus into their hearts.
We (me and the interns) were joyous. Afterwards, we broke off the talk with the kids about thier decisions in small groups and pray with them. It was the first time i had been with anyone in their decision to follow Jesus. It was exciting for me on many levels.

Knowing that for some of these kids, this day would be the beginning of a life of faith, healing, community and blessing...that future leaders are being born this summer, that some of the kids were compelled to share some of the pain and struggles they deal with very intimately with us, in the hopes that trusting Jesus would give them strength.
I love these kids a lot, and it made my heart glad to get a glimpse not just of a cool event/decision, but of the advancement of the Kingdom among a people that God loves so so much.

Please pray that God's Spirit would rest powerfully on these kids' lives

Praise God

2005-07-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

Go Dukes!

2005-07-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of the Albuquerque Dukes mascot, the Duke. This was the old minor league farm team that was an Albuquerque institution for many generations. I have fond memories of going to Dukes games and taligate parties not too far from my home where the satium was. Now it no longer exists, and the Isotopes have taken the place of the Dukes. Needless to say, there's no school like the old school. The Duke represents the city so much better than a stupid Isotope.

anyway....

I have not been posting too much personal stuff. But I have been blessed, encouraged and exhorted by my continued reading of all my friend's blogs (which has been rarer, because i dont have a computer)
It has been a stressful time, but a good time. God has been bringing up deeper sins to my attention-- in myself, and in the community i am surrounded by every day: the young people of the summer program. In a real sense, I feel like this is my family. i feel like i have a bunch of little brothers and sisters that i care about so much. Please pray that the kids would have left this summer with an encounter with Jesus' love. There is so much need in the community, so much that could be attended to with far more time, resources, committment, love than i or any of us have. I treasure the small moments of talking to one of the kids where i am let into just a little bit of how they experience their family, their neighborhood, their culture, their relationships.....

Hope is a discipline

There is a God in Israel.

2005-07-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic from the Summer Program. This has been a lot of fun for me. As Edna Mode in The Icredibles said, "It has completely confiscated my life, dah-ling." Well, not completely, but as much as a job i love will. It has been a blessing to see the junior staff jr high and high schoolers grow in maturity, responsibility and character--- much of it through difficult and challenging situations.
One thing I've realized about working with kids is that the kids themselves do not necessarily push my buttons--- it is the unpredictability of large groups of kids in a daily schedule that really keeps me on my toes.

2005-07-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

I bought this yesterday. Now I am one step closer to becoming Mixmaster J to the IzzAke.

2005-07-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

the heat changes things.
i think it has changed the way i think about my life.
its strange that some added physical discomfort would highlight all the other, more deep and irritating discomforts that you spend your time trying not to complain about to your friends.

more later

2005-07-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

this was my brother John when he went home to Albq. from Iraq last month

whew

2005-07-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

this weekend's highlights:

saw OZOMATLI for FREE on Friday night in downtown LA. So much fun. At one point, the crowd burst open the barriers and went into the fountain in front of the band. I went for it, shoes and all, and it was worth it.

Saturday night kicked it at home with the homies Rob One and Eric Sermon, watching the Chapelle Show. Havent been entertained like that in a long time

Sunday, Church at Epicentre, then to Will Rogers beach with Tina, Reza, the Partida girls and some other kids from the summer program (and Jorge) that was a lot of fun. In N Out afterwards. Later on, some Settlers with Rob, Eric and Greg over some beezys

Monday, Sabbath in the afternoon in Eagle Rock, then a barbecue in the park at the Rose Bowl..good friends, good weather, good times...and the fireworks.

Today.....first day of the summer program,

Ask me about it.

Endings and Beginnings

2005-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today marked the end of a season in my life. It was the last day of school at TAS. We went on an all-day beach field trip, where we (the teachers, some parents and our kids) got to just have fun in the ocean.
It was one of the funnest times i have had in a long time. Such a good end to a long, rich, fruitful year.

The emotions and thoughts that were going through me as i left that campus were many, and overwhelming. My year there has been so much for me-- learning, challenge, truth, failure, insecurity, joy, vision, affirmation, confirmation.....I have a deep love and gratitude for that place and what it represents for South Central LA.

I pray that God would look down and have mercy
I pray that TAS students would be the leaders who turn LA upside down.
I pray for repentance and that teachers' and families' lives would move toward the kingdom.

I thank God for many reasons, but one of the major ones is that in a very real way, when i walked into my first day back at the beginning of October, God had prepared TAS as a place where I would be prepared to lead the NWN summer program. i am absolutely sure that if i had not worked at TAS, i would not be ready to take on this task in the next season of my life.

So, the summer begins for me. A new job, a new place to be each day, new relationships, new study (gifts, and Acts) and new need to trust God (for the fall and beyond, job-wise)

thank you friends for walking along side me.

2005-06-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

I guess you guys found me out.
I just want to say that I am really grateful to Tyra for seeing in me what I knew was there all along. Thanks, Tyra, for being so understanding and letting me have some time off to pursure my dream of urban youth work!

I guess there is more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking

2005-06-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

check out this website

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/index.html

2005-06-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

i will be going to Toronto, Canada for the next week. I am excited to see my family but a little nervous about how it will be with them. whenever i go home, things get hard spiritually.

volver

2005-06-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

havent been posting much recently. A combination of business, and just a lot of processing stuff on my own.

I got an 80 GB external USB hard drive on Ebay a couble days ago. it should come any day now. I will be able to have all my music in one location. ooooo

Spiritually, this has been a season of new wine coming into old wineskins. Daily following God and recieving all the teaching and experiences coming my way has been like waking up out of a deep sleep every day. Like dying a little bit, then a little bit more.
I'm in it for the long haul.

In a week i will drive to Las Vegas to meet my family, and then fly from there to Toronto Canada. It will be my first time in Canada.

here are some pictures from our recent field trip to El Campeon farms in Thousand Oaks.

2005-06-02T22:33:00.001-07:00

the whole crew

2005-06-02T22:33:00.000-07:00

Maria: "Whatchyoutalkinbout, Willis?"

2005-06-02T22:31:00.001-07:00

Arlene and Tra'myah, best friends

2005-06-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Ilver and Neftaly. "America no sirve!"

2005-05-22T16:19:00.000-07:00

Last night i saw the movie Crash with friends. I have to say, this is one of the best movies i have seen in a long time. it impacted me in many ways, and it is something i will be thinking of for a long time.
i am open for discussion about it, but right now i just want to post to say that people should see the movie.

three t-shirts (scroll down)

2005-05-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

holler. its been a while since i last posted. things have been very busy for me. Every time I get the opportunity to blog, i start trying to think of somethind that will be deep and impactful. but then i give up becasue i realize that those things just have to come in their time. (eventually the next music review will come out, i've just come up on a cache of hot new music via my brother in Albq.)

anyway, here is something superficial but i really want to share it. I was asked about my 'guilty pleasures' Well, hip hop clothing and t-shirts is one of them. I love, LOVE conscious, artistic t shirts that display images and words from classic and underground hip hop culture.

here are a few key spots in the LA area
The Globe in Pomona- probably the best hip hop shop i have seen out here, thorough in its underground, electro, reggae, clothing, graffitti and b-boy merchadise

El Mercado

Imix Bookstore in Eagle Rock Home of Divine Forces Radio on 90.7 KPFK, and a center of Indigenous/Chicano politics, education and spirituality.

Workmens Outlet- one in Hollywood and one in Montebello. Dope.

Basically anything made by Exact Science ClothingI cant even describe how much i love this stuff.

Anyway, here is a sample of what you can get me for my next birthday:

2005-05-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

Thats Ghandi on there, in case you cant recognize.

2005-05-17T22:23:00.001-07:00

With so much drama in the LBC, its kind of hard being Snoop D-O Double G.....This (the verse and the picture on the shirt) was Snoop in peak form circa 1993. Notice the Bubonic Chronic.

2005-05-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

What can i say. This is beautiful to me.

2005-05-07T22:49:00.001-07:00

Redondo Peak, New Mexico

2005-05-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

Jemez, New Mexico

2005-05-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

you were a dark horse
sniffing breath of cold mesa air
always outside of your people
and the smell of burning sage

yours was the shrub oak
and the juniper
sweet smelling prayer
lifting your hands filled with
life-mud and singing
to greet the dawn

your tears were drops of the deer's blood
sacrifice to your memory
a lament for the mountain stream
that every winter went into icy death
and you moved into solitude

i dont cry over you
your spirit became a drumskin,
streched tight and lovingly over
the hopes of your people

we make your music

Review #1 - Back in the Day

2005-05-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

*** This post has been in the works for a while. Actually, it is the trial run of an idea that I hope will take wings and develop into a long term mainstay of the L.A. basin urban ministry blog culture. Ok, well maybe not, but that would be cool. Thanks to Tina and some others who gave positive feedback on my last foray into music review writing, I have decided to begin writing regular (or as regular as I can) music reviews.
Reasons:

1. I love music, I have obscene amounts of it, and if I had not chosen the better life that Jesus offers, my life would be absorbed by the minutia, trivia, eclectica (is that a word?) of every genre and sub-sub-genre that I could devote my time, money and energy exploring/discovering.

2. I love letting people in on worlds that I and my close friends/musical kindred spirits enjoy—albeit from a rather elitist position. I want my friends of all walks of life to be able to understand what it is that has compelled me, beyond reason, to accumulate so much material and knowledge about something that to many is just entertainment. Feel me on this. I’m letting you in on a little piece of Me.

3. I love to write. Reviews are just another genre that I am excited about reviving my talents into the service of. (Please note in the last sentence that talking about review writing was another opportunity for me to use the word ‘genre.’ We music types love to use that word because it makes us feel like we know what we’re talking about.)
Seriously though, I write reviews for my high school newspaper, and its been a while.

4. Admit it, you want me to.

I hope that this will be a cool thing for people to read. Part of my purpose in doing this is not to make a bunch of articles that are only accessible to music snobs. My reviews will provide background info, and will not be strictly confined to the musical aspect of the songs/artists I am reviewing. Being the true historian/social scientist that I was trained to be, I will connect songs/artists/genres to the wider political, philosophical, social, folk, economic, spiritual context out of which they come. This will add some depth, hopefully, and pique the interest of people who thirst for the answer to the question “What does it all mean, anyway?”

So, without further adoo, here is my first review.

Ahh…back in the day…. You know that feeling. That feeling you get when you think back to a time when things were simpler, care-free—almost serene in its youthful exuberance. It is more than a feeling, more than a collection of memories. It is a philosophical reflection on a time and place that you came from. A time and place that was yours, and it was good.
When we say ‘back in the day’ we mean something different than when we day, ‘back when…’ or ‘a long time ago.’ You took algebra back when you were in 8th grade. You read Charlotte’s Web a long time ago. But you rocked tube socks with the 3 red stripes and a polo with the alligator on the front back in the day. You sent notes in Language Arts class to your middle school crush back in the day. You first heard that one song, the song that all your homegirls and you would dance to through high school when it was just you and them and one of you had just found out that the guy you liked was in love with a girl you hated—back in the day… Back in the day is a state of mind--almost, I would venture to say, a culture.

I was reminded of this the other day when I went into Jason’s apartment and saw Arturo and Juan, two youth from our neighborhood, listening to the song “Back in the Day” by Ahmad. My first reaction, as is always the case when I hear a song that connects me so much to my past and is such a fixture in my music pantheon, was pure glee. Immediately after that, though, I was surprised. It is not a song that I would have expected to come out of the heavily 2Pac-Baby Bash-Thug Imitator saturated speakers of our group of youth. But then I realized, no—this is “Back in the Day.” This song, regardless of its mid-90’s dated-ness, is expressive of something much deeper and connected to the experience of our youth than your average booty-shaker club joint on the radio.

It is probably not accurate to say that Ahmad’s song brought this phrase or its mentality to the mainstream. Like many aspects of hip hop culture, ‘back in the day’ originated in the murky, untraceable past of a culture and a movement that was always in a state of recreating itself under the radar of national, media, or mainstream attention. In our generation, this phrase is only one of dozens to have been wrenched from the hip hop lexicon into mainstream vernacular. Aggressive commercialism and the American fetish for things ‘ghetto’ (read: ‘authentic’ Black culture) have thrust many cultural forms and expressions into more widespread (mis)use.
Nevertheless, the spirit of ‘back in the day’ survives, wherever people get that smile, look up into the distance and think back to that one time…

It was summer, 1994. West Coast rap was firmly on top. After several years in the 1980s and early 1990s of pushing through an era of eccentricity, creative plurality and self-definition, West Coast hip hop was finally beginning to have a definable sound all its own—for better or for worse. West Coast rap had begun mainly as an imitation of East Coast party rap. There was a playful, carefree vibe—but also an unpolished, less sophisticated and nuanced sound as compared to the New York scene, which was already old enough to have an ‘old school’ by the mid 80’s. By the early 1990s, West Coast rap had diversified, but its character, its essence, had yet to be defined. You had the proto-gangster stylings of Ice-T and King Tee. You had the Tribe-Called-Quest-esque, but grittier poetics of the Pharcyde. And from the Bay Area, you had artists as diverse as pimp-a-listic Too Short, the raucous and playful Digital Underground, and the glossy, Rick-James-jocking crossover hit, MC Hammer.
Depending on who you ask, this was either the golden age of West Coast rap, or the dark ages. In any case, everyone agrees that with the rise of gangsta rap, everything would completely change.
N.W.A. released Straight Outta Compton in 1989. Dr. Dre, Eazy E and Ice Cube would all later become definitive and crucial influences in crafting the California sound and blowing it up for the whole world to hear: G-funk. (ironically, Dr. Dre, the father of G-Funk, had started out with a really pathetic Gheri-curl-ass-80’s-glam-funk-wannabe Rick James-pseudo hip hop group called the World Class Wrecking Cru—a fact that would later haunt him after he had a falling out with Eazy E and Eazy used it to seriously ‘bag’ on him on record) Anyway, by 1994, G-funk was certified platinum bling bling—rap sales skyrocketed and a generation of suburbanites was exposed to the lifestyle of gang violence, misogyny, 40’s, blunts, and all that drama in the LBC. Most of all, Cali was King.
This was around the time when I began listening to hip hop, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. Dr. Dre’s The Chronic(the quintessential and most defining G-funk record) had already been out for a couple years, and I had missed that wave. However, Snoop Doggy Dogg’s debut, Doggystyle and Warren G’s Regulate: G-Funk Era were bangin. Also key at that time was Bone Thugs & Harmony, the brainchild of Eazy E. There were even a few Bay Area acts that were contributing their own flavor to the rise of Gangster-funk.
It was 7th grade for me. I was immersing myself as much as I could in this new, gritty wave of creativity washing over from the West. One day, I forget when it was exactly, this song came on…a little different from the rest, but immediately I loved it and I knew it would be with me for a long time. I never actually learned who the artist was until years later, but the mellow 70’s style groove and the smoothly-finessed sentimental chorus had me hooked:

Back in the days when I was young
I’m not a kid anymore
But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again…

The chorus was repeated, and then an awkward teenage-like voice came in with a story- like flow talking about what it was like to be just a little kid growing up in South Central.

Ya’ll remember way back then,
when it was 1985, all the way live
I think I was about ten….

First of all, this was not G-Funk. It may even have been G-Funk-lite (a-la Montel Jordan or Coolio), but who knows. The character of this music was not hyper-masculine posturing, or smoky, bass heavy cruising music. It was summertime barbecue in the park music. It was kick it at the crib with your homies music.
I liked it. It was something to chill to, something I wouldn’t be ashamed letting my parents listen to. The beat, I would find out 8 years later in my record-collecting phase, was a straight sample from a 1978 Teddy Pendergrass soul ballad, “Love T.K.O.” Just this year, I discovered that the version I heard in ’94 was actually a remix of the original version, which used an even more smooth, youthful sample from a Staple Singers song. But more than all this, the song gave words to a feeling, a mindstate that I was just beginning to understand.

I'm still back in the days, but now the year is '87
'88 that's when my crew and I were in junior high
In 7th grade, I hated school (wish it'd blown up)
No doubt I couldn't wait to get out (and be a grownup)
But let me finish this reminiscin’ and tellin’
Bout when girls was bellin tight courderoys like for the boys
basket weaves, Nike Cortez, and footsie socks
And eatin pickles, with tootsie pops
And it don't stop, I'm glad cuz when J.J. Fad did”Supersonic” it was kinda like a sport to wear biker shorts
or, to wear jeans and it seemed like the masses
of hoochies, had “poison” airbrushed on they asses
Dudes, had on Nike suits, and the Pumas withthe fat laces,
cuz it was either that or K-Swiss

The song depicts an idyllic, almost serene image of what growing up in the hood was like—all the trouble you would get into as a kid, all the styles that were popular, the music that was popular at the time. At the end of the song, Ahmad (the rapper) reflects on how he has moved up and out of the ghetto to a more successful life, but he misses those days….

But, didn't always have clout,
used to live in South Central L.A.
That's where I stayed and figured a way out
I gave it all I had so for what it's worth
I went, from rags to riches which is a drag but now I'm first
So Ahmad and The Jones' is on our way up
Yup, we said that we was gonna make it since a kid
and we finally did, but
Sometimes I still sit there reminescin
Think about the years I was raised, back in the days

In the years since then, the essential message and lyrics of this song ring even more true than they did to me as a wide-eyed 7th grader in 1994.
The back in the day ethos is one that arises out of hip hop, out of urban culture in an attempt to express one of the many contradictions of American life in the inner city. I think it was aptly expressed by Coolio on an album interlude—“As much as I hate this muh-***, Love this muh-***!” In other words, the hood is no place to be, but when you really think about it, you gotta love it. It was the place that raised you, the place and the people that taught you what to be, and what not to be. It is the place where you had all your self-defining experiences—where you got bullied, won games, laughed at your friends.
When I transferred from the urban public schools to a private school on the other side of town after 9th grade, the meaning of back in the day became ever more clear to me. In the polished and proper world of higher education (or Christian community) it was refreshing and soul-nourishing to throw on that old song and think of those days when you had no responsibilities and didn’t have to take things so seriously.
I really think, though, that the meaning of back in the day is not confined strictly to those who have moved up out of the hood. I think for many of us who are re-locators in urban ministry can resonate with the idea of leaving an idyllic past home to pursue a life of discipline and maturity. Of course, we have chosen to leave a lot of brokenness behind, and it is not good to dwell in the past. But c’mon—you gotta give love to where you came from. You gotta pour some out for the homies. You gotta remember that one time you acted a straight fool….

For me, back in the day is an ongoing thing. As a pilgrim, I have left many places behind me, and being the sentimentalist that I am, I have the need to commemorate, in some way, with someone, the events, emotions, people, styles, music, laughs, loves, mistakes, joys of the past. This song brings me back to that place. It reminds me that I love to go there, love my history, love reminiscing. I do it by remembering the music I was listening to at that time. I do it by remembering what we were wearing, what things we thought were cool. I do it by reflecting on how far I’ve come from those antics, attitudes and anxieties that made me a kid. Working with youth and in education has made me appreciate the back in the day ethos a lot more. In them, I see myself, how I was when I was their age. Often, I am even a little jealous of the fun they have, the small things that they worry so much about. But I think that working in education is a good fit for someone like me, because on the one hand I can be young again, re-living a lot of the joys and dramas that made childhood great, and on the other hand, I can lead and guide and teach children to become whole, mature, healthy adults.

Here is a selection of hip hop songs that also, I think, embody back in the day:

Lighter Shade of Brown- “Homies”
Digable Planets- “Where I’m From”
Crown City Rockers “B-Boy”
Nas & 2Pac- “Thugz Mansion”
Nas- “Memory Lane (Sittin in the Park)”
Chief Kamachi, Rashed & DJ Revolution- “Forever”
Notorious B.I.G.- “Juicy”
Common “I used to love H.E.R.”
Lauryn Hill- “Every Ghetto, Every City”
CMA- “Windows”

Stevie Wonder- “I wish”
WAR- “Summer”(not hip hop, but by far some of the best music ever laid down about back in the day, and period.)

2005-04-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

And you, O generation, behold the word of the LORD!
Have I been a wilderness to Israel,
or a land of thick darkness?
Why then do my people say,
"We are free,
we will come to you no more"?

Can a girl forget her ornaments,
or a bride her attire?
Yet my people have forgotten me,
days without number.

Jeremiah 2:31-32

Los Chavez de Lemitar, Sabinal y Socorro

2005-04-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken near Socorro, New Mexico sometime between 1890 and 1915. The man in bottom right corner with the rifle is Catarino Chavez, my Grandpa's grandpa. The boy behind him and to the left might be his son, Anselmo, my Grandpa's dad. The rest are extended family. They were ranchers, miners and farmers. All people of modest means but hard workers. Their families have lived in the Middle Rio Grande valley since at least 1800, when the land still belonged to the Spanish crown. In those days, they all would have been having increased contact with White people, who were coming into that area for the mining boom. Great Grandpa Anselmo died in 1980, and up till then he spoke very little English. One of the most pervasive features of thier lives was contact (hostile and otherwise) with the Apache Indians. The U.S. Government did not succeed in exerting its control over this nomadic tribe until the 1930s. The Mexican and Spanish governments were never able to effectively protect their citizens in New Mexico from Apache and Navajo raids-- or interracial mixing, which was just as prevalent, some argue. There is little doubt that, given the class and social status of this side of my family, as well as other evidence, that there is some Apache heritage in the pool.

there, there, son...

2005-04-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

He supposes there was never a particular moment in time at which he could look in the mirror and say that the person he was looking at was no longer a child. He never really believed it. After all, what was there to
convince him? There was no public rite of passage, no sage wisdom given by any man who had walked the path before and had enough self-consciousness to articulate it to him. As far as his heart knew, he was still a boy.

A scared, small, needy and insecure boy.

That is what he has been afraid of. Afraid that people would see past the facade and discover that he was only a boy. After all, out of necessity, he had learned what needed to be done in order to appear grown-up. He knew how to 'be responsible' how to interact with others and take care of business. But deep inside, a profound fear....a dark uncertainty and fragility.

if they really knew me, they would see that i am none of this. They would not take me seriously...worse, they would not love me....

Of course he knew that a child could be loved. But that is not the love that he wanted, that he knew he needed. He wanted that love that was mature, wise, giving, knowing, intimate....

if they really knew me.....

People could look at his life and see that he had pursued a life that was more or less normal. He was a capable, educated, thoughtful person. Yet they did not know that much of his efforts had been spent avoiding adulthood. Avoiding risk, avoiding those relationships and environments that would challenge him to grow in maturity and wisdom and responsibility becasue he was afraid that if he entered into those, his facade would crumble and he would be abandoned by the people he cared about.

He had a deep affection for many people. A high respect. A thoughtful compassion. But love? Love is what is given through sacrifice, what emerges through conflict and failure-- the fruit of patience and risk.

Who had ever taught him this love?! Who had been there to model it? No one had. The love of his parents was awkward, even superficial. They were scared to give and show love, too. Love was well-intentioned symbolic gestures. Gifts, trips, physical care and nurture. But it was aloof, and unsure of itself.

This was the love that was modelled for him.

It was the love a boy could always understand.

In Full Effect

2005-04-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

Check out the LA Times article about TAS, in todays issue. Also, look at it in comparison to the events at Jefferson High, in the same section.

Tonight is the big party for the teachers and staff. Free food, free dranky dranks, and Muuuuu-zic. I am looking forward to a chance to kick it with co-workers apart from work. Of all the places i have every worked, i admire and respect these people the most-- in terms of feeling an affinity of values, culture and direction in life.
We'll see how it goes.

Making Dreams Real

2005-04-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Wow. Today was the grand opening celebration for The Accelerated School’s partners and donors. There has been so much preparation for this event, and dressing the campus up to look as nice as possible for al the people who have in some way made it possible, including a few others who took the opportunity to look good politically by saying a few words.

After we ushered our class into the gym and sat down (the kids all had a TAS word search to keep them occupied) it became apparent that this was the place to be, politically speaking, in the State of California. Governor Arnold and LA Mayor Hahn were there, as was Jan Perry, who represents that district of South LA. Also there was Richard Riordan, former mayor of LA and current State Secretary of Education. There were also a number of billionaires—among them, Wallis Annenberg, of the Annenberg Foundation, whose donation of $10 Million made it possible for our founders and principals Jonathan Williams and Kevin Sved to realize their dream of building a charter school in South LA.

There were a few themes that stuck out to me during the speeches. First of all, there was the theme of TAS as being the realization of a dream 10 years in the making. Everyone who spoke made the point that this was a vision that began with Jonathan and Kevin, but became the vision of others who generously contributed to its realization. I was actually impressed with the partnership between rich and poor that this school represents. Not that the billionaires and politicians are in touch with the poor community this school serves, but their generosity has allowed there to be not only a school, but TAS is also a public library, a fitness center, a professional development center, a health clinic, adult education, a pre-school, a Charter Dual Language immersion elementary school—all in an amazing, towering state of the art campus. It is rare that something like this happens.

It was interesting to learn a little bit about the history of the dream, and how the school, in the last 10 years, has really transformed the community. 10 years ago, the land in South LA that the new campus now sits on was the property of Carol Little and Leonard Rabinowitz, multi-millionaire fashion designers who owned a textile factory on the site. They said that they grew to love the community and when it came time for them to move their factory, they decided to give the land of the old factory to Jonathan and Kevin , along with $5 million to invest in making a new school. Over the years, these men and their vision attracted the attention of many other foundations and corporations, including The Annenberg, and Wells Fargo, which have given in the tens of millions of dollars.

Jonathan Williams said that part of his vision was to have a school that participated in the economic and social development of the community. This really stuck out to me. Also powerful was the speech of a 10th grader, Genesis Contreras, who articulated beautifully what the school has meant to her and her community.

The Governator and Mayor Hahn also spoke—about how they are committed to better schools and children are the future and all that….Politricks.

Another thing that stuck out was Councilwoman Jan Perry’s remarks about the recent violence at Jefferson High, which is in the same neighborhood as TAS, and how we hope to see TAS be an example in reconciliation and peace- and that it already has been.

Overall, a pretty momentous day…..but a day of ceremony and show. The real value of the school of course is in the teachers and children and the work they do every day, no matter how big and beautiful the campus is.
I am blessed to be a part of this place.

2005-04-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

2005-04-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

This is some artwork from Sam Flores, a young artist from New Mexico who was at one time a part of the hip hop/graffitti culture in Albuquerque. You can notice the common theme of mixing hip hop culture with indigenous cultures.

2005-04-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

On thursday, Richard Riordan, former mayor of LA and current head of the state dept. of education will be speaking at TAS. Also, Ah-Nold, the GOVERNATOR, might also make an appearance. Our class was invited by the schools founder to be shining, smiling faces for all the politicians, wealthy philanthropists, CEOs and big wigs that will be accumulated in our school gym for the grand opening celebrations.

I must say, the campus is beautiful, and pretty impessive in terms of what it offers students. I wouldnt care that much about the appearance, but i believe that it is symbolic of what is actually offered to TAS students: some of the best and most committed teachers, mentors, coaches, counselors in any school district.

I think there is reason to celebrate this weekend.

----

I had dinner with Tina, Betsy and the Jr. High girls bible study tonight. It was fun to eat outside, and talk a bit. Then they got in a waterfight and i bounced.

"I am a farm worker"

2005-04-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

here are the Cesar Chavez day poems that my 2nd grade class at TAS wrote a few weeks ago. The all got sheets with "I" prompts, like "I am" "I feel" "I touch" and so on. Their assignment was to fill the rest in with their own words.
The results were pretty powerful. I typed them out, and here they all are, 20 of them. Read and interpret for yourselves.

I am a Farm Worker
By Franklin Nwochie
March 31, 2005

I am a farm worker that’s sad.
I wonder what places I can go to.
I hear people working really hard.
I see oranges, apples and grapes.
I want to be free and to be paid better.
I am Franklin Hoody Sherif.

I pretend to be rich and joyful.
I feel sad, mad and really angry.
I touch fruit, vegetables and plants.
I cry a lot when I can’t bend.
I am a UFW person.
I understand how I feel now.
I say words that make me happy.
I dream that I was in a free land.

I am a Farm Worker
By Arlene Flores
March 31, 2005

I am sad and mad.
I wonder if I would die.
I hear sounds outside.
I see my house and my food.
I want food and milk to eat and drink.
I am poor, sad and mad.

I pretend I am rich and I have food.
I feel very very sad and poor.
I touch my fruit that is sweet.
I cry for money and a house.
I am broke for food.
I understand that I could be rich.
I say that my dream will come true.
I dream I would have a pretty house.

I am a Farm Worker
By Eric Leon-Sanchez
March 31, 2005

I am a poor boy.
I wonder if the work is hard.
I hear a car and a truck.
I see a lot of vegetables.
I want to get rich.
I am rich inside.

I pretend I went to play with my family.
I feel sad.
I touch sand.
I cry when I see a scary book.
I am mad.
I understand when I fall down.
I say I’m rich.
I dream of my mom.

I am a Farm Worker
By Tra’myah Fields
March 31, 2005

I am angry because I have to bend down.
I wonder what would I do if I die.
I hear people getting frustrated.
I see farmers working hard.
I want people to be healthy so they won’t die.
I am really mad because they put poisoning on the grapes.

I pretend to be rich.
I feel really! really! mad because they made people die.
I touch dirty stuff.
I cry because they made people die.
I am sad that if I ate those grapes and I was pregnant I could die.
I understand people eat the grapes with poisoning on them.
I say that they shouldn’t put poisoning.
I dream of people not eating grapes with chemicals on them.

I am a Farm Worker
By Michael Castro
March 31, 2005

I am poor.
I wonder if I was rich.
I hear screaming.
I see fruit.
I want to be rich.
I am poor.

I pretend I was rich.
I feel sad.
I touch dirt.
I cry because they didn’t pay me back.
I am not rich.
I undertand I could be rich.
I say I need money.
I dream I was rich.

I am a Farm Worker
By Jorge Bravo
March 31, 2005

I am a poor person.
I wonder why the farm doesn’t give us money.
I hear cars and bicycles.
I see vegetables.
I want more money.
I am mad.

I pretend I have a family.
I feel sad.
I touch vegetables.
I cry when I pick onions.
I am angry.
I understand when I am alone.
I say a little ant is little.
I dream I have a family.

I am a Farm Worker
By Ilver Cornelio
March 31, 2005

I am tired to work on the farms.
I wonder about my family.
I hear mom yelling to my sister.
I see my mom and dad are buying food.
I want a little puppy.
I am 9 years old.

I pretend I was rich.
I feel sad.
I touch the dirt.
I cry because I fall.
I am happy now.
I understand my mom works.
I say I want to have money.
I dream about my family.

I am a Farm Worker
By Luis Zamudio
March 31, 2005

I am a farm worker.
I wonder where people go.
I hear people working hard.
I see airplanes dropping poison.
I want to live.
I am sad.

I pretend I am dead.
I feel angry.
I touch dirt and grapes.
I cry because they don’t give me more money.
I am sad because I can’t go home.
I understand that I am poor.
I say that’s not fair.
I dream I was rich.

I am a Farm Worker
By Micara Mosley-Washington
March 31, 2005

I am a farm worker working hard.
I wonder, am I a tool in disguise?
I hear people moaning cries for help.
I see dirt all around me.
I want to live in a better home and a better life.
I am a living being, not a tool.

I pretend I am not a worker.
I feel hurt inside.
I touch the filthy dirt on the ground.
I cry about my life.
I am a good person.
I understand that I am a farm worker.
I say to myself this is not right.
I dream that one day everything will be alright.

I am a Farm Worker
By Karina Ventura
3-31-05

I am sad because I am poor.
I wonder what will happen to my family.
I hear people scream very loud.
I see grapes with pesticides on them.
I want to go home really badly.
I am very tired of working.

I pretend that I liked this job so much.
I feel so devastated because I don’t want to die with the pesticide on the plants.
I touch the fruits, vegetables, and plants.
I cry when I touch the onion.
I am very tired of working.
I understand that I have to work very hard to get a lot of money.
I say I am tired of getting paid a little bit.
I dream of having a home for my family.

I am a Farm Worker
By George Falcon
3-31-05

I am a farm worker.
I wonder about the fruit.
I hear a plane flying.
I see vegetables on the field.
I want to go home.
I am always a farm worker.

I pretend I was rich.
I feel sad when I hurt.
I touch a fruit.
I cry when I fall.
I am working so hard.
I understand when the plane is flying.
I say that I want money.
I dream that I have a home.

I am a Farm Worker
By Maria Trinidad
3-31-05

I am a farm worker.
I wonder if people are looking at me.
I hear a wind blowing.
I see fruits and vegetables.
I want to go home.
I am alone.

I pretend I am a farm worker.
I feel tired working.
I touch tools.
I cry when I get hurt bad.
I am a child.
I understand the man talking to me.
I say “Please, let me go!”
I dream I’m a farm worker.

I am a Farm Worker
By Joshua Guzman-Wolfe
3-31-05

I am a farm worker.
I wonder if a miracle will happen.
I hear people complaining and getting fired.
I see people working hard.
I want to be treated fairly.
I am not feeling well.

I pretend that we were treated fairly.
I feel poison and heat.
I touch fruits and vegetables.
I cry when they treat me like a slave.
I am a lowly and unhappy person.
I understand the words that Cesar Chavez says.
I say the words that Cesar Chavez says.
I dream good things will happen.

I am a Farm Worker
By Neftaly Angel
3-31-05

I am Neftaly.
I wonder if I will be treated good.
I hear people screaming.
I see fruit.
I want to be treated good.
I am a good boy.

I pretend I will be rich.
I feel bad.
I touch the grapes.
I cry when they hit me.
I am a boy.
I understand that I am good.
I say I’m good.
I dream that I could live for a lot of time.

I am a Farm Worker
By Daniel Gutierrez
3-31-05

I am treated like I’m not supposed to be treated.
I wonder what it would be like if I was rich.
I hear people being fired.
I see workers working real hard to earn money.
I want to be free and have money.
I am not treated right.

I pretend that I like this job.
I feel worried about my family.
I touch fruits and vegetables.
I cry when I am hurt.
I am really sad and weary.
I understand that I have to do this.
I say what I want.
I dream that one day I would have money and be free.

I am a Farm Worker
By Moises Dominguez
3-31-05

I am a farm worker.
I wonder about my family.
I hear a plane.
I want more money.
I am real sad.

I pretend to quit.
I feel sad.
I touch the dirt.
I cry hard.
I am Moises.
I understand to work hard.
I say I work hard.
I dream I am OK.

I am a Farm Worker
By Guillermo Garcia
3-31-05

I am a farm worker.
I wonder what it would be like if I was rich.
I hear cars and trucks.
I see fruit and vegetables.
I want to be free and have money.
I am rich like a god.

I pretend like I am at school.
I feel angry and sad.
I touch dirt.
I cry when I am sad.
I am poor.
I understand I have to do work.
I say “Stop.”
I dream that I was rich inside.

I am a Farm Worker
By Diego Polanco
3-31-05

I am a poor boy because I am a farm worker.
I wonder if this will end.
I hear people screaming.
I see torture.
I want to be rich instead of living in this old dump.
I am depressed because I am a farm worker.

I pretend I don’t go on living in this old shack.
I feel sad that I am going to die.
I touch the hot ground—tssss! I burned my hand!
I cry when I am done working.
I am dying of torture.
I understand that this will stop.
I say we should be treated fairly.
I dream that kids wont be treated working in the farms. I wish this will stop.

I am a Farm Worker
By Katherine Luna
3-31-05

I am worried of my kids.
I wonder if the chemicals won’t come down.
I hear cars and trucks driving.
I see fruit and vegetables.
I want to be rich.
I am very poor because I don’t get a lot of money.

I pretend that I am rich.
I feel tired of bending.
I touch the strawberries.
I cry when someone dies.
I am sad when I have no money.
I understand that I need to work hard.
I say and fight with my words.
I dream Cesar did not die.

I am a Farm Worker
By Adriana Corzo
3-31-05

I am sad because I always bend myself.
I wonder I could be happy.
I hear digging myself.
I see people sad because they don’t have enough of money.
I want to make my world better.
I am worried because I don’t go to school.

I pretend I am in school.
I feel so hard worker because I always work.
I touch where I am hurt.
I cry myself because they don’t pay us really good.
I am angry because I want to go to school.
I understand Cesar Chavez to make our world better.
I say myself “I wish we all could have freedom.”
I dream that we get paid good and don’t fight and lots of things that we don’t want.

must be the music...

2005-04-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I have to blog about this...

First of all-- does anyone know how I might go about posting MP3s on my blog? I would really like to make music avaliable to the faithful homies who read this stuff...

Secondly, my new favorite song(s) :
A few weeks ago, I was driving with Greg and Betsy down to LA for Servant Partners. We were listening to Art Laboe's Jammin Oldies. Now, you need to understand the significance of Art Laboe. This isnt just some oldies show. This is the Sunday night request show....this is a weekly institution, particularly in the 2nd generation and up Latino community in the Southwest. Art Laboe has been a radio disc jockey since the 50s, and specializes in playing the old doo-wop-East LA-jukebox-lowrider-soul cuts that you dont normally hear on the oldies stations. He has taken the torch from Huggie Boy, who was the first, the OG DeeJay who helped to define the smooth, soulful gangster sound that makes you think of cholos, pachucos, ranflas, jainas, and taking your girlfriend 'Lil' Droopy Eyes' down to the diner for a fountain soda.

Anyway, Art Laboe's Golden Oldies are definitive in my musical paradigm. They remind me of New Mexico, and even before I moved to LA, they told of a culture and a lifestyle that originated out here that vatos and homegirls all over New Mexico emulated.

So we're listening, and Art throws on 'I'm Still Here' by a group called the Notations. (I later learn that the Notations were one of the many side projects that were the brainchild of the late great soul master Curtis Mayfield, such as the Impressions....Anything homeboy touched musically is so rediculously good i have to pee on myself)
I contained myself in the car for Greg and Betsy's sake, but if it was any other situation, i would have been screaming and who knows what else, and then after i had gathered myself i would have immediately called my best friend in Albuquerque to tell him about it (my only true kindred soul when it comes to music)

so after weeks of searching the internet, i have found the song, and i can now carry it anywhere in my ipod. I am melting.
If you want examples of the Art Laboe sound, here are some others that defined my experience of living life and digging for records throughout high school:
Pete Wingfield "18 with a bullet"
Bloodstone "Natural High"
Sly Slick & Wicked "Confessing a Feeling"
Tierra "Together"
GQ- "I do love you"
Richie Valens "Sleepwalking"

There are a few other notable songs that have entered my consciousness recently:

another Notations cut called "Super People" A filthy-ass funk drum sample with serious social justice overtones-- something Curtis Mayfield is also known for

"Just a Moment" by Nas and Quan-- a cut that Juan and Arturo put me down on. After hearing it over and over at Palm Springs, i was hooked on it....although i liked it after only hearing it once. Definetly one of the better songs in terms of substance that has come out from the mainstream recently.

"Gettin It" By Too Short. Ahh...mid-90's hip hop. Ahh....Pimp-a-listic saucy-ass, collared-green-ass Bay Area hip hop. I usually avoid most of Too Short's stuff, as it is pretty much all disgusting content-wise. But this is a cut, ( along with "Player's Holiday", ironically) that actually has some redeeming value.

On the Latin tip..."A Vida Em Seus Metodos Diz Calma" by obscure and mysterious 70's Brazilian funkster Di Melo. A tasty bit of Afro-Brazillian soul coming out of an era of groovin/consciousness analogous to what was going on in the US. An explosion of funky music and Black power, but in Northeastern Brazil. You can feel that samba flavor.

last but not least, two albums i have recently picked up-
Rafael Cortijo- Cortijo y su Maquina del Tiempo. A way ahead of its time funk/Nuyorican Jazz/Boricua Soul collection of 7 songs. Will take you to East Harlem in the early 1970s.

Mongo Santamaria- Drums and Chants. An amazing concept album from the master of Afro-Cuban percussion. Many traditional Santeria-influenced tracks here, spiced with just a hint of jazz flavor.

2005-04-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Big Ups: We have a new brother in the kingdom. Arturo...(check out Jason's Blog)

what a joy

O Jerusalem!

2005-04-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

This week has been goodness, God's goodness to me. I praise him for the things my eyes have seen, for the things my heart has come to understand.

-Our community in Northwest Neighbors....I have been so blessed in getting to know more youth, and some youth even better. After Palm Springs, I felt so much more connected, so much more a brother in a family that God has made. Wednesday was the scavenger hunt at Paseo. Friday, I took some of the guys to the comic store and to Santa Monica.

Yesterday, it was so beautiful to go with Tina and Hugo, Diana and Gladys to Eaton Canyon, where we hopped over the stones in the river, had a picnic in the shade and enjoyed eachothers company. After that, there was the video game tournament, and some final time with the guys before visiting some folk at Betsy's apartment.

God is doing a lot of healing work in me recently....or inviting me into it.

The refrain for me has been 'my sould will be satisfied in the LORD'
Fundamentally, and on the level of my every day thoughts and actions, the Lord has not been my satisfaction. Where has my hunger taken me? It has taken me to sick, filthy idols. To foolish idols, fantasies and illusions. I hungered and thirsted, but for what, I knew not. So I would go to other streams that were not living water. The need to impress people. The desire for human attention and affection. The desire to emotionally attach myself to someone else. Using relationships to make my self larger in my own eyes...

Jeremiah 2:26:
But you said 'it is hopeless, for i have loved strangers and after them i will go'

Yes! Holy God, have mercy on me, I have given my love to strangers! What is the defenition of a stranger? Someone who you do not know, and who does not know you. They do not know you, where you came from, what you value, where you're going--they do not care about you.
Yes, you have given your love (rather, your devotion, your worship) to these things, these strangers and followed them--when all along there was someone who knew you!
He knew you all the time. He knew you and called you precious....

God wants me to be free to not have my worth and soul cling to the attention or affection i get from those i serve, live, work with.
God wants me to be free to experience rejection, and still live confidently rooted in Him
Free to give without expecting anything in return
God wants me to be free to be loved by him

))))))))

On Wednesday walking in Old Town, I met Gary, a homeless man begging outside of 21 Choices. In a slurred voice, with a crippled hand extended, he explained to me how my namesake, Jacob, had sought to get God's blessing. Gary asked me if I knew that I had God's blessing. I said 'I hope so' He said 'No, you have to know it, in here!'
I said Amen, and before I left, he assured me that the God who feeds and clothes the sparrows would take care of him.
I walked down Colorado, and everything around me became nothing. I could see that when God looked down on this center of wealth, commerce and image, the thing he saw as shining the most brightly, the most beautiful and attractive thing in this physical part of the earth was the faith and hope that Gary carried in his heart. This disheveled, sickly man whose presence is seen as an unsightly blight on the polished surroundings.....this is where the Kingdom of God was.

I walked away, feeling not worthy to have recieved what i had. I was free to cry in my car on the way home.

Thank you Jesus for your holiness given into my life. Thank you for the love of my friends. Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for destrying in order to rebuild. Thank you for this family.

Vacation

2005-04-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

This is my 4th day of spring break from TAS. I have had the mornings free, which has been great.

Tuesday I went to Claremont to have a great time and conversation with my former staff workers Chris and Lorainne at their house. We talked about the ministry there and how i could start supporting them.
;;;;;;;;;;;
something i have been thinking about recently....the list of 40 developmental assets on the youth inventory sheet for NWN. It was cool to look at it last week for the first time since the fall. Since then, I have become connected to many more young people, and looking at them in terms of developmental assets is interesting.
I think this is a really useful tool, and it really reminds me of why youth work/education has become so important to me. It has also pointed out to me some things about myself.
I remember something i think Jason had said at the fall retreat- that kids with more assets attract adults with more assets/resources to give. We try to counter this trend in urban ministry. But over the last semester I have found that in NWN, TAS and especially at Walden School, much of what has drawn me to certain youth is that they have a lot of those assets. In some sense, I think it makes sense strategically to focus on youth in areas like NW Pas and South LA who have a lot of assets, because they can be developed as leaders of their communities. But at a place like Walden School, it is very different. No one is 'at risk' there. There is no fear that any of them will 'slip through the cracks.' There are so many support systems aorund them and resources being poured into them, that their success is all but assured.
I guess this is why there is something attractive about them....It is encouraging to hear from kids who have a vision for their futures, have had varied and enriching life experiences and are socially and emotionally well adjusted. There are youth like this in NWN as well as TAS and Walden, but I think it presses me to consider where my heart is, and be diligent about trying to see what God sees and where he would have me put the resources he has given me.

when day comes, and night falls...

2005-04-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to God for the good things that i have had the joy and blessing to be a part of in the last few days and weeks.

This weekend, we took a group of northwest pasadena youthseses to a resort in Palm Springs....it turned out to be much needed relaxing, fun time for me, among many other things. To see the youth interact with each other, to see the guys in my bible study interact with each other and me outside of bible study, to really connect with more of the youth on a friend level, and to just have a lot of fun and enjoy the company of the other leaders and youth...i am so glad i went and i will keep many memories from this time..

i guess i could really feel this time like this was like family. I recieved a call from my mom saturday night as we were cleaning up after dinner. She was sad becasue our dog had died and the Pope had died. She called me becasue she was feeling sad and lonely. When this happens, i get overcome with sadness for my family, and after i got off the phone, i had this surge of longing to be home with my family, and just missing them so much.
I went to a quiet place to cry and pray.....and it was good...i think there is some morning i have to do for the ways God has separated me from my family, but also a healthy missing them, which leads me to plead earnestly to God on their behalf...i really really love my family, and this weekend, tlaking with my mom really made me see how far i am from home, how far i am from their struggles, triumphs, growth, joys...And part of me wants so much to be there and asks why, God, do you have me in this place that is strange and hard for me?

Yet, as i went back with the youth and leaders, i started to feel a comfort from their presence. There are ways in which my peers on leadership can know me that my parents dont. And, to my joy, there are ways that the youth can know me culturally that my post-college peers cannot. It was a blessing to be reminded of this this weekend as i interacted with the youth and leaders, some for the first time in meaningful ways.

Praise God- for showing me what he has for me in my neighborhood

il papa

2005-04-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

I was listening to the radio about how Pope John Paul II is close to death.

It will be good to celebrate this man's life....a spiritual leader and a man of peace.
In large part due to his efforts and influence, the Catholic church has greatly grown in Africa, Asia and Latin America. A large portion of the college of cardinals who will meet to select a new pope are non-white, non-European.

He has always been a man of compassion, reconciliation and justice. We should pray that the people of God continue to be blessed with humble and wise leaders.

2005-03-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

"Arise, cry out in the night
at the beginning of the watches!
Pour out your heart like water before
the presence of the LORD!
Lift your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint with hunger
at the head of every street..."
Lamentations 2:19

This morning was a great morning. I love waking up with the sun coing through the window, and going out into the cool air. I dont even mind the commute.
At work today, we had a Cesar Chavez 'festival' in which each classroom hosted rotations...we got to visit 3 classrooms that were doing activities centered around CC and the UFW and its history.
The most interesting and touching of the rotations was one teacher's discussion, in which she passed out pictures of farm workers in the fields and in their conditions, and asked the children to break into small group sand talk about what they thought the farm workers saw, heard, touched, smelled, and felt.
Afterwards, all the kids wrote poems from the perspective of farm workers.....and these were some of the most moving, beautiful pieces of writing i have seen in a long time. It is mind-blowing how these 7 and 8 year olds are able to grasp things like justice, suffering, advocacy, compassion....they know these things-- they just dont have the vocab. to articulate them. But there is something sublime about the way a child's wisdom explains truths about love and justice and hope that is far more impacting and precious than the articulation of the 'learned'

i am going to get copies of all the poems and post them up as soon as i can.

Easter

2005-03-27T12:56:00.000-08:00

It was beautiful this morning, watching the sun rise at the early mass at St. Elizabeth's.....
This is the day the Lord has made...

After mass, me, tina, greg, betsy, reza, eric and ernie went over to Betsy's for some good food and time together. Greg led a devotional that really struck me and brought home for all of us what i think is the paradox of celebrating Easter this side of eternity...

We watched Hotel Rwanda last night, which was a very sobering, intense film....a picture of something haunting that cannot be escaped. I went home thinking a lot about it. I did a little bit of research on the rwandan genocide after i came home (Human Rights Watch is an amazingly detailed and well-researched site that i would highly recommend- i put a link to it on my list to the right)
I remember when these events were going on- i was in middle school. I think that one of the characters in the film, an American photojournalist, put it best- "People (in the West) will look at their TVs and say 'Oh, that's terrible,' and then keep on eating their dinner."

Reading about the history of Rwanda since the 1994 events made me think seriously about something i dont want to think about. In 1994, the whole world watched and did nothing, as 800,000 people were slaughtered not in a war, not in a natural disaster, but becasue they existed. We watched and did nothing. This brought the frightening thought to mind: Jesus, please have mercy on us- please hold back your judgement....I was praying that we would be spared.
Did Jesus not warn us about interpreting the times? Is it not God's mercy on us that he gives us opportunities to be faithful, even after our history has shown that we have not been faithful?

And we just stood by and watched. What will God have to say to us about that? What will God have to say to us about Sudan? The AIDS epidemic?
We believe that the government of Pakistan needs F-16 fighter jets, but we harshly critizise and suspect the (progressive, popular) government of Venezuela when they buy Ak-47s from Russia.......

anyway....Greg read from the Gospel of John, about Mary Magdalene weeping at the tomb of Jesus, not kowing where he was, where he had gone to.
This is a tension. We weep, as we ought to, the depravity of our hearts, the terror that humans are capable of. We weep out of compassion, but we weep also knowing that if not for the mercy of God, we surely would destroy each other in myriad ways. As the scripture says, "there is no one who does not, not even one"
Yet, Jesus appeared and said "Why do you weep?" He is risen indeed....and Praise Him that this is true! For what else do we have? What other hope is there, when we read daily of God's creations destroying each other, blinded by hatred, greed, pride, malice...?

Easter ought to be a call to desperation. It ought to wake us up to thist, long, grasp for, strain our souls and bodies to the point of pain to take hold of that one, precious thing...the hope and the righteousness and the saving truth and power of the Living, Risen Anointed One !

Celebrate today what God has given. Celebrate today that we do not have to be consumed by our own evil or given over to God's righteous judgement of it.

Jesus is alive

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2005-03-23T23:35:00.000-08:00

in mid air

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another view of TAS at recess. Those are my boys playing soccer.